Monday, December 3, 2007

The Snow Outfit

Here is Gracie at approximately 3 months with her "Grandpa-Great" Smith in this hilarious Winnie the Pooh snow outfit.
It wasn't unreasonable as we did live in Utah and she was born in December. It's my favorite of everything she owns currently.

Here is Gracie at present day in the same outfit.

This is also Robby's new favorite picture.


Now onto what's on my mind:

A blogger friend of mine has announced her pregnancy. She talked a little about morning sickness and it was like all my body needed to hear was "carbohydrates" (as that is all I ever crave during pregnancy) and it remembered exactly that yucky-all-over-all-day feeling. I can't say I'd like to be pregnant any time soon. My uterus is just getting her shape back and the stretch marks have finally started to fade, a little.

After losing Gus, my arms ached so bad I didn't know what to do with them. It was such a real, physical aching, the only cure was crying. Logically, that was just ridiculous and I'm a very logical person. So, thinking logically, I told myself I just needed to be pregnant again and that feeling would go away. Robby wasn't having any of that. I'm a huge mess when I'm pregnant so I don't blame him.

Whenever it was that the aching eased enough for me to think freely about Gus, my mind must have adjusted my thinking so I don't confuse the post-losing-a-baby feelings as "promptings". It certainly doesn't help that my mind is already incapacitated by depression.

Needless to say, Gracie will be our only baby for a while. I don't know when that kind of decision making will begin but hopefully we will just "know" like we knew with Gus. For now, I keep the baby questions out of my prayers.

I am looking forward to getting my baby love from all my nephews when Gracie and I go up to Utah on the 12th. Hooray!


sara said...

That Gracie sure is a cutie!

I'm sure you will know when the time is right. Your sharing your story & feelings on your blog I think must help so many people who have experienced a similar loss.

Tina McKinnon said...

oh my gosh! That picture is so darling! Squeeze her for me!
I, too, know that YOU will know when the time is right.... just trust yourself and enjoy each day.

Jenna said...

How in he world is that outfit still fitting Gracie? I mean, I can see the sleeves are a little up there, but still. That is hilarious.
Get on up here, the boys are waiting for you!

Stephanie said...

i cannot believe that she can squeeze herself into that little outfit! it is really cute.

whenever you get that urge to hold a baby, come on over. stella is available for hugs.

Leslie said...

i love your new header! it's just perfect and gracie's face is adorable. seriously. :)

Abbie said...

That picture is really cute. I love how you can tell that Gracie is completely focused on herself in the mirror.

Also, she looks like a perfect mix of you two in that picture.

emidinkl said...

I second Stephanie's comment. Anytime you want to hold a baby, Morris would love for you to. Someone once told me that helps ease the empty arms... I'm thinkin' we need to get together anyway because our hubbies are such workin' fools. email me?

Mrs. Bennett said...

Gracie is such a beautiful girl!

Oscar said...

Gracie is a doll. I can see why this would be his new favorite picture. That is so crazy that she can still fit in that outfit. So cute!

Karen said...

Hey Melanie - I just hope you won't pressure yourself into having another baby. First and foremost, you take care of what you already have ... and that includes yourself. There is nothing wrong with having one child if that's what you choose, especially when that one child is Gracie.

Lyndsay said...

That suit is so darling! Finn has a similar one.

And "just knowing" when the time is right again is the best way, I say. When I miscarried my first pregnancy I wasn't quite sure what to do with myself for a while. But my body and soul let me "just know" when it was time for Finn.

You are quite the inspirational girl, Mel, I must say!