Friday, February 15, 2008

February '06

This is my baby Gracie at about 2 months old. She was such a perfect little baby. I've been thinking about babies in general recently. Every day I think about Gus and if and when we want to add someone else to our family. We've thought about keeping Gracie as our only child, but it's been said by some that having an only child is selfish. This doesn't necessarily sway my decision one way or the other, I just wonder if people would view me as selfish for not having any more children after losing Gus.
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Should I feel obligated to explain myself to people if we do decide not to have any more kids? Have you ever thought of someone who only had once child as selfish? These questions have been on my mind and I'd like to get some feedback.

16 comments:

Tina McKinnon said...

Whether to have more children, how many or none at all is such a personal decision... it's no one else's business. I don't believe you owe anyone an explanation. You have found such joy in Gracie that it's hard to imagine needing any more. However, if you do decide to have another child, there will be even more joy to share. You guys have enough love for whatever you decide... there is no pressure or hurry to decide anything one way or the other... Just take your time and you'll know what's best for you, Robby & Gracie... Just remember to keep your other Partner in the decision-making process. He's the only one you'll answer to.
xoxox

Stephanie said...

seriously mel, don't worry about what anyone says or thinks. this is such a personal decision. i know that whatever you guys choose to do will be perfect for your family.

Robin said...

Ditto. People will always have opinions. Too bad So sad. It is completely personal, no one else can know what's best for your family, no one else knows what you can handle or what can make you function best. I always feel that people will be judging me in the choices I make for my family, but I have to remember that nobody else will be living day in and day out being more affected by those decisions than me. I have to be sane and I have to feel like I can be a good mother. Sorry, I'm babbling.

hillary said...

I agree with Tina and Stephanie. It is definitely something that is very personal. I know that you are trying to be guided to make the best decision for your family and that you will. Also, because it's so personal and different for everyone, you should never worry that you need to explain your decision about how many kids you have to anyone. I think most people will recognize they have no place to judge you and the decision you make because of the experiences you've been through. Even if they don't think this, it doesn't matter because it's not their decision. Don't worry, sis, like you told me just last week: you'll be guided.

*Side note, DARLING pic of Gracie. What a cutie pie.

Devin and Chelsey said...

NO WAY. I can understand you not wanting to go through that pain again. If or when you want another baby, you will feel right about it. Don't let other people persuade you into doing soemthing. This is your life. Love you

Anonymous said...

Mel sweetie, speaking as a mom of an only child I see nothing wrong with it whatsoever. I felt blessed to even have just Kari. At times I feel bad she doesn't have a brother or sister, as I worry about when Randy and I are gone. That is why it is so important to me for Kari to have a husband she loves totally and will be happy. Your little Gracie has so many cousins she won't ever be lonesome. You and Robby need to make the decision as to what is right for the two of you. Love ya.


Debbie

Kelsey said...

I can't believe anyone would accuse a parent of being selfish for only having one child. I've never heard that before, but I wouldn't put it past some people.

I agree with everyone else, you really shouldn't worry about what other people think. Having said that, I also know that's much easier said than done. I really don't think anyone would believe you were selfish parents for not having anymore children, especially considering everything you've been through.

And don't feel obligated to explain anything to anyone. Everyone who really cares about you already knows what you've been through, so if they don't already know, then who cares? I don't know if that made any sense.

And maybe I'm just a selfish person, but you do what's right for YOU.

The McKinnon 4 said...

First off, that picture is adorable! I just want to reach through the computer screen and squeeze her. Too cute. As for having more children or not, everything everyone has said is so true. You have to do what is best for you guys reguardless of what others may think. Your family and your needs come first and are way more important! I dont think people realize that having children isnt easy for everyone. Not because you dont want them but for reasons that are sometimes out of your control. Not only have you gone through a loss that no one should have to go through but your pregnancies sound difficult as well which hold there own extra challenges. This all would be hard for any one and I think that others understand this. Your little family is still a family and is full of tons of love for Gracie. Do what you both feel is best for you. =)

Natalie said...

I was chatting with Hill about it when we were in San Diego...you should ask her what my thought was.

Mama to 2 said...

I feel a little weird creeping on your blog because we don't know each other, but I just wanted you to know that you do have 2 children. Gracie does have a sibling. She is not an only child. Weather or not you choose to have another baby is so up to you. I have 2 right now and I think I'm done. Does that make me selfish? I don't think so. It's up to you and your hubby. No one else knows your life. If others are judging, they will be held accountable. HF knows your heart. No one else does.

Karen said...

Oh I like what mama to 2 said. And I for one think that it would be selfish to the child to have it just because you thought that everyone else thought you should. This is all up to you and Robby and I'd like to have a MEETING with anybody who would judge you for whatever decision you come to. Just don't worry about it and it'll all work out.

Martha said...

I don't think having Gracie being the only one is being selfish at all. You have to look at it, she is not your only one like mama to 2 said. You HAVE two children. I think people that judge is horrible. They don't know what your life story is, they don't know if you have anymore children. But the decision on having more children is more up to you and robby and what feels right for the two of you.

Sarah-Olivia said...

I just thought I would let you know that I have seriously NEVER thought anyone with one child was selfish.

Lyndsay said...

You have the most beautiful babies.

I have never had the thought that someone with one or two children is selfish. Actually, growing up, before I joined the church, I thought having lots of children was selfish. But now I have realized that everyone has as many children as is right for them. And any number is selfless.

It's hard for people not to judge. But it can be even harder not to feel the pressure of "living up" to a perceived standard. Heavenly Father will let you know what is right for you.

KatieJ said...

Every family is different, and you definately should not feel pressure based on what other people "might" think. (plenty of people think negative of families with more than 1 or 2 kids too) You and Robby will do what is right for your family- you're young and you have lots of time. Sam gave me the best reply to rude questions like that people ask, say "Why would you ask me that?"

BossyMommy said...

Explain yourself to others? Of course not, Mel! But you should expect that some insensitive people may feel like you OWE them an explanation. Doesn't mean you need to provide it! Having one child selfish? I don't think so. It's all about what you and Robby are up for. But I'd just tell you to think about your experiences growing up, and how much your siblings mean to you. There's something wonderful about having brothers and sisters. I'm not helping, am I?