Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Medication Station

If I put all my medications together in one place, it would look just like this. At this current time I am taking about 7 prescription medications and about 5 consistent non-prescription medications. Some I have to take more than once a day. That is a lot of pill taking, my friends.

Looking in, it seems like anyone could say "Why don't you try to consolidate? Or exercise instead?" It should seem so simple. I wish it were.

It's taken me years to get to where I am with my sanity and it's mentally risky to try to adjust my medication and could put me out of commission for weeks and may not even work. The combination I have now works for my list of medical problems: depression, anxiety, headaches, bi-polar tendencies, joint pain, and not having a baby (that is, birth control).

I also have extensive knowledge of almost every medication in those fields. Go ahead, tell me your symptoms and I bet I can tell you what you are, or should be, taking. Between my dad being a doctor, my working at his office for over a year, and my own issues, I've picked up quite a bit. It seems like I should have some kind of degree in something.

While this is all so glamorous, it does get exhausting taking so much medication. Especially that I have to pay such close attention to it or I'm crying for hours or getting upset with Robby for no reason. As I've thought about it, it's probably similar to what a diabetic deals with, minus the needles. And while I myself have seen and felt firsthand the affects of neglecting to take my medication, I still feel that it's completely inappropriate to compare myself to a diabetic because their condition is much worse than my own.

When my dad first explained depression to me, he talked about it being a real disease and like a diabetic needs their insulin daily, a patient with depression needs their anti-depressants daily; either patient would get sick if their medication was neglected. That talk was when I was 15 and I still have trouble with it. When the problem is in your head, and you have to think about the problem that's in your head, it gets very confusing.

If I stopped taking my medication, I know exactly how miserable I would be, but it still seems like I should be able to be fine without it because it's only in my head. It's the stupidest conversation I have with myself.

So now that I've talked openly about my problems and admitted to talking to myself, you should have no problem telling me if I sound insane or not.

At least give me 20 minutes to prepare before orderlies kick my door down and Dr. Rosenburg brings in a huge syringe full of medication that will "help me relax".

I'll want to put Gracie in her crib beforehand.


AmyK said...

OK you're really starting to scare me now :)

I TOTALLY know how you feel! I have been in total denial of being depressed ... FOR YEARS! I went on anti-depressants when my son passed away and then took myself off thinking I was just sad cuz he died, blah blah blah I'd get over it.

I finally took a good long look at myself a couple of months ago and had a REALLY good friend (My BFF in fact) tell me that she was going to drive to houston and drag me to the Dr if I didn't go. So I made the appt, got the pills and holy CRAP if I don't see a huge difference!!

I can not take this one little pill ONE day and I'm a raving lunatic. I scream at everyone, I cry over stupid things and everyone is justmiserable, especially me.

So I totally know what you mean. This is NOT just in our heads, we DO need these medications. We are NOT crazy (unless we don't take them, then THAT would be crazy!)

So keep your head up and keep poppin those pills!


tara said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
tara said...

Mel you are so brave. I'm so glad I know you! (well, kinda, as in know you from your blog, ya know?)

They do make a difference, and I agree, it's weird to think about this problem that makes you not think straight sometimes.

I love ya girl.

Karen said...

I can't relate to depression, but I do know that if I neglect to replace my itty bitty hormone patch that dwells anywhere below my belly button twice a week whether it appears to need it or not ... the entire universe pays for it ... including me. Hooray for knowledge!

emidinkl said...

I for one am so impressed with your honesty and courage. Those of us that have ever struggled with any degree of depression are grateful for your voice.

Tina said...

I can't imagine keeping it all straight... you get my vote just for that accomplishment!! I have a hard time remembering to take antibiotics when I'm sick!! :>)
However, I have to tell you, I never forget my new favorite capsule... Feverfew... an herb. I am practically headache-free these days! About the only time I get one is if I don't eat in time. I have to monitor that really close... but otherwise, I don't hardly ever get even a whisper of one anymore... I highly recommend this to anyone who suffers with headaches/migraines.

Devin and Chelsey said...

hahahha, you should give yourself more credit then you do. A TON of people live off of medication, it helps keep them alive. You absolutely don't sound insane AT ALL.

MARIE said...

Mel, I think you are fabulously honest. And I love it. No, you're definitely not insane. You stick to what you know is best no matter what.

Amy said...

I agree with Marie, I've always admired your complete honesty from the time we were little to present day and always wished I could be more confident and secure with myself to be so upfront and honest. You've always been a great example of being true to oneself.