Monday, July 21, 2008

Bad Days Are Inevitable

I didn't think I would be immune to bad days when I got home but I certainly thought I would handle them better. Last night was a late night and I had a lot on my mind. This morning, Gracie was up bright and early at 7 am, ready to play and run around and involve me in every aspect of it. Needless to say, I did not have the energy.

This whole morning has been a whirlwind of exhaustion and crying and I think that'll take the wind out of anyones sails. I had so much planned for my day that when it started off rocky and I realized I wouldn't accomplish what I wanted, I started crying. This is where I tried to put into practice some things I learned: It's ok to not achieve everything you want to in a particular day. However, that doesn't mean it's not still depressing.

So today I need your help. On days where you just can't get it together and you really need to, how do you do it? Any advice would be incredibly appreciated.


Jenna said...

I just go through the motions, if I absolutely have to. Otherwise, if I'm out of gumption then I take it as a sign that I need some rest. I'm so busy filling up all my days with too much to do anyway, it's probably good for me to take it easy once in a while. Same goes for you, missy. Don't sell yourself short, taking care of Gracie is NO SMALL TASK!

Anonymous said...

Mel: All of us have an agenda of some type each day. I can get frustrated because I plan on working on certain items at work that require a deadline and the phone will ring off the hook, or people are at the counter all day. I then go home and plan on doing this this and this and Randy will need my help for an hour or two. I still get really frustrated on both accounts, but I'm learning that if some of the "other" things don't get done, it is NOT the end of the world and I'll probably get to them the next day or the next. If you make a list of "to do's" make a shorter list, that way it is not so overwhelming. Remember what you brought home from Utah to give you better coping skills and keep plugging along. I didn't mean for this to turn into a letter, love you Mel. Debbie H

stephanie said...

hang in there, mel. i know you can handle it. i'm looking forward to tomorrow morning.

Leslie said...

if i haven't yet, i take a shower and put on real clothes. sometimes even putting my shoes on will help me feel like it's time to get stuff done. i'm weird. :)

Mrs. Dub said...

i could have written this post myself, because i'm a list-maker and to-doer, but being a mom and being caught up in personal issues can make me feel like a failure. when i start to feel overwhelmed, which is very easy when your to-do list is 100 trivial items long, i remind myself:
"i can have everything, i just can't have it all at once."

take a look at your list and see what you really have to do. sometimes, things aren't as urgent as they seem.

hang in there!

Kelsey said...

You know what I've noticed? The only time I get frustrated and impatient with my girls is when I have something in mind that I want to get done. I just have to take a step back and realize that I can't always get everything done. Once I come to terms with that, my day tends to run a lot smoother.

Stacie said...

I think accepting that those days are gonna happen is the first step! And it is o.k. to have a day when you don't get ANYTHING done. i sometimes like those days the best, i think it is a way of making us just be home and cuddle with our kids and realize that even if your to-do list doesn't get done.....the kids are still happy, and we can be too. but i think it is great that you have goals and lists of things that need to be done. you can do it mel! you are stronger than you think you are!!

Meredith said...

I 100% hear ya. I have 2 kids right now that I think TRY ANYTHING to push my buttons. And boy does it work. Then its sooo hard to get out of me getting mad at them (time out). I feel like once my day is off to a bad start like that, any LITTLE thing they do affects me. Its hard to snap out of it. But like someone else said, those are the times that I try to get ready and GO somewhere, that makes the day go faster and my kids are usually better when we are out and about.
Good news is= you are not a lone on this! Bad news is= DOES IT EVER END??!! (that question was for me!)

Sadie said...

On those days where I have everything planned out and I see it all falling apart in the early morning, I tell myself, "Okay, I'll do 2 things." Like sweep the floor and start laundry. And the rest of the day is devoted to fun. Then either I plan something fun with the girls like a tea party or reading books or watching movies together. OR I pick out something I've been wanting to do, like sit in my comfy chair and read all day or catch up on some movies I've been meaning to watch or call a friend and talk for hours. And then the next day, I get to it and start over. And I don't feel one smidgeon of guilt about it. Sometimes you just have to let it all go and start again the next day.

My name is Ali... said...

Hang in there Mel...this to shall pass....xoxo ali

hillary said...

One night I'd had one of those days and was so discouraged and overwhelmed and Dad texted me this advice/encouragement that I hope will encourage you, too, sis:

"When you are taking care of children it is really hard to get much else done. Ideally, just pick one thing each day that you can do when the kids are napping. Then, if you get that done and have time before they wake up, then do the next thing on the list. Just one thing at a time.

"I used to get so frustrated when your mom would have to go somewhere and leave me to watch you guys. I would have projects to get done but couldn't and it would make me fairly impatient. So I had to learn not to expect to get anything done, so if I got just one thing accomplished then that was great.

"Remember, it's not what you have or what you do in life, but rather, what you do WITH what you have.

"You're welcome honey. Now go to sleep and have a great day tomorrow. loveu." -Dad

Anonymous said...

You don't know me, and I know you only from your blog. But I'm going to write today anyway. First, the topic at hand: Oh, how I understand these feelings! I take a deep breath and try to be rational about re-evaluating what I had planned for the day.(Note that I said try to be rational. I'm not always successful, especially if I've forgotten to take my medication the night before, and sometimes allowing myself to be miserable and angry and frustrated for 10 minutes--but only 10 minutes!--is really therapeutic!) The things that were mainly for me, I let go. The big but not vitally important things, I let go. The things that I had planned that were to serve others, I try to do, especially things like laundry, dishes, making the bed. Those are things that often don't take very long, they are things my family needs and that make our home a place of order, and when they're done, I feel like I've accomplished something. In the happy times when I can do this, the tiredness is still there, but the anger and frustration goes away.

Here's something else I wanted to share that isn't necessarily related. I have two children, a four-year-old daughter and a two-year-old son. Between the birth of my daughter and the birth of my son, we waited four years and lost two babies to miscarriages (same day, two years in a row, the week of Mother's Day--how's that for luck? :-) ). I know a miscarriage is different from the loss you experienced with Gus. But they were devastating losses to us, and even now, three years after the second miscarriage, I sometimes feel a little sad and maybe even a little cheated.

I wanted to tell you though that in the intervening years, I've learned the truth of the Savior's teaching in John 9:3: "Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him." The works of God have been made manifest in us through the gift of the Holy Ghost, who has literally carried and comforted us in our moments of deepest grief and who has magnified our joy in the smallest things. I am even more grateful, however, that these experiences have equipped me and my husband to be more compassionate, more sensitive to those who are experiencing infertility and loss through miscarriage. I like to think that in some small way, Heavenly Father is using us and the experiences He blessed us with to serve and comfort His children that we come in contact with.

I know the days are hard and the nights are long. But don't give up! Allow yourself to hurt and to grieve. Also allow yourself to love and to rejoice. Know that if you will continue turning to the Lord in faith, He will make the bitter sweet--maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday. And someday, through the strength and grace of the Lord, you will look back and recognize how you have become an instrument in His hands to bless those around you. You already are blessing people by sharing your struggles and your joys as you go through this journey. With the Lord to guide you, you and He will find the way, and you will become a shining example of faith for your daugher and for so many others.

God bless!

(Sorry this is so long. Thanks for your patience.)

Her Shabbyness: Sweet 'n Southern said...

It looks like you've got a good outlook on the front that it's ok not to get everything done in one particular day--but, you're right, that doesn't mean it's not depressing.... My advice would be, to just remember that you're human, you're a wonderful mother, and to just take everything in stride. And prayers, prayer always seems to help me :)