Thursday, July 31, 2008

Brothers and Blessings

Gracie can now refer to Gus as her brother but I don't think she really understands what a brother is because when I brought her his framed picture today and said, "Who's this?" she replied, "Chee-sus." which is how she says Jesus. When I straightened her out, she called him "Chuss" which is just as good, I think.

So I've figured out what I'm going to do tomorrow. Since there is an Excessive Heat Warning, Gracie and I will go in the morning to Gus' grave together and take some flowers so we can put them on his and all the surrounding family members graves. If I can keep Gracie focused enough, I will tell her about everyone there. Then, I'll spend most of the day putting pictures from the slideshow we played at Gus' funeral in his baby book. Nothing fancy since I'm not creative or crafty, but there is a lot of empty space in there and I'd like to fill it in.

Then, tomorrow evening, I made an appointment to donate blood. Some of you suggested I do volunteer work but I couldn't find anything that didn't require a full background check and 6-8 weeks for processing so I thought with it being hurricane season and all, I should donate some blood. And whenever Robby gets off work, we will all go to Gus' grave together for a quick visit. I feel good about that.

Something I'm very grateful for is that I haven't spent the past year confused as to why I lost Gus and that I won't spend the rest of my life bitter and trying to find answers to the point of losing my family, friends, and sanity. All I had to find over the past year was the lesson I was supposed to learn and I am fairly certain I've found it. Not only has Gus' spirit been with me to give me the strength I've needed to endure, but my faith in the eternal plan has been discovered, strengthened, and sealed. I cannot see my life without this trial now. I would not be as strong as I am now without it. And while I miss Gus intensely every day, I know he's not far away. I'm grateful for his strong spirit in our home and the fact that I don't feel like I've completely lost him.

I pray for everyone who has ever lost a loved one to have a similar experience to mine so they may be blessed with as much comfort and understanding as I have been blessed with. And, as always, I would not be where I am without my family and friends. Thank you.

11 comments:

Aunties said...

Mel,
I am sure Guss will be there with you and Gracie and I want to send you our love and prayers to help you get through your day with a celestial son next to yourside. Thank you for sharing your precious and deeply painful story this pass year as I am sure it has helped many others. May the Lord continue to bless you and your sweet family in your life's journey.
You are an amazing woman and a blessing to all of us as you have shared your struggles and are overcoming them with dignity and faith in our Lord Jesus Christ.
Beth

Mrs. Dub said...

I am so proud and amazed by the strong Mel who has posted the last little bit, especially your last two posts. It is amazing that only a year later you can see the joy and purpose of an excruciating trial.

If anything, my sampling of your experience has taught me that the world is full of misery. To expect good things to happen all the time, to consider yourself exempt from trial, is foolish. But to find joy amid heartache and hope amid despair is the true lesson and test.

Have a good day!

Emily said...

I'm just so glad you are learning that you deserve all the love and support you receive from others. And you know the Lord wants us all to have happiness--that is why I prefer to use the term "Plan of Happiness" when referring to the Gosple. Your sweet angel Gus has touched all of our lives in different ways. Love you Mel. We'll be thinking of your sweet family.

Tina said...

Sounds like a perfect way to honor Gus tomorrow. So glad you've been able to find peace and comfort in all of this... He has served his purpose in this life... to love, to be loved and bring strength to many. There is no better tribute to someone than to love them enough to miss them... Gus wants your happiness, too. Good job, Mel. xox

Leigh Anna said...

Thinking about you...

Becky said...

I've been thinking a lot about you this week. I wish I could have finally met you at the family reunion but it sounds like you were where you needed to be.

stephanie said...

i'll be thinking about you tomorrow, mel. you are strong.

Karen said...

You've come a long way baby! I'm proud of you!

Amber said...

We're thinking of you today Mel, and thinking of Gus. It sounds like you have a wonderful day planned out to honor him. You're doing great, just hang in there!

Tiff Moser said...

Mel,
I am officially offering to take Gracie for you at anytime you may need. I know this is an emotional time for you and your little family. If a day to be with your thoughts and emotions would be good for you, please let me come get Gracie, or do anything else for you that would help. I am here and would love to hear from you. Love you and think you are amazing!!! Thank you for your example and for sharing your thoughts and experiences so that I can learn a little bit with you along this journey of LIFE.

Deasy said...

Wishing you comfort and happiness in your life ahead.
Remembering you, Gus and your family in our prayers today.