Monday, November 23, 2009

A Thankful List

Thinking about Thanksgiving this year makes my chest contract and my throat close up. I'm not in a very good place right now with the loss of my Gus. I've come into a new emotion I never thought I would encounter in my grief process.

Anger.

I'm angry and it's not an appropriate feeling for any holiday festivities.

This new emotion impedes my ability to feel thankful. I'm angry about being angry. But I know that I am thankful for many things, so I will make my list for my own sake:

1. I'm thankful for Robby. He balances me out and supports me through my ups and downs. He is my everything.
2. I'm thankful for my living child, Gracie. Her joy inspires me each day and I'm so lucky to have her in my life.
3. I am thankful for my angel baby, Gus. I can't remember exactly why right now, but I know that I am.
4. I'm thankful for our basic necessities: a home, food, love, and the gospel. I would not survive without these.

That is all I my heart can manage for now. I'm going to do my best to make a list at the end of each day this week, whether it's written here or not.

Please go hug your babies and tell them you love them.