Monday, March 29, 2010

A Piece of Gus

After we viewed Gus in the funeral home in San Diego (story here), Robby's mom, Tina, and brother Mike were kind enough to drive my little boy from San Diego to Mesa where we had the funeral. I am not clear on the time frame but somewhere in the haze of those unbelievable days, my sweet mother-in-law was kind enough to get a cast made of my baby's hand. (I'd love to hear the story now, mom.)

I was told about the cast after the funeral but I don't think I saw it for quite a while. Since then, it has been lovingly kept in a closet in Robby's Grandma's house. She has been so good and patient to hold it for me while I waited for the right time to bring it home with me. What a wonderful woman.

Over the past 2 1/2 years, I've seen this little hand twice and at the time it was too much to bear. But last night, my sister in law, Andrea, and I got it out, looked at it and talked about it. She was so sweet and patient with me as I told a few stories of my baby boy that I don't normally discuss. I decided that I would probably be ok bringing home this piece of him, as long as I keep it out of every day sight for a while.

As I'm slowly recovering from losing Gus, so many things have been made clear to me. Most of them are personal and spiritual experiences that have given me strength when I've needed it most. But I can always count on one thing, now matter how bad my chest hurts or how raw my pain feels: The knowledge that comes with my beliefs as a Mormon.

My beliefs have lead me to actual, tangible knowledge of what Gus is doing. He's fine. He's happy. He's working. And I love him. Now I can keep this small part of him in my home and start the next stage of my grieving process.


Leigh Anna said...

Oh beautiful friend, that is precious.

Jim and Jami said...

precious, love you Mel!

Tiffany said...

I love that you have something tangible, that is so tender.

Tina said...

I would like to take credit for having the cast made, but it was actually a loving service from the mortuary in San Diego. Michael and I brought it home with us and I placed it in the display globe. I'm glad you have healed enough to have custody of it now. It is a precious thing.

KatieJ said...

That little hand is so precious- I'm so sorry for your loss still, Melanie.

The McKinnon 4 said...

That is such a precious keepsake. =)