Friday, April 16, 2010

Depression and Bipolar Disorder

Yesterday was the worst day I've experienced with my mental instabilities to date. Poor Robby was home all day and had to watch while I endured every emotion on the map.

I don't know what happened or how but I can break down into specific time frames the extremes of the emotions I went through yesterday.

9am - 11: Got my hair cut; kept a pretty even keel; rested some.
11am: Start of unprovoked and uncontrollable crying lasting a hour.
12pm - 2:30: Hopelessly frozen on my bed, staring into space.
2:30pm - 3:30: Rage and the uncontrollable urge to break things. (Luckily, no damage was done.)
3:30pm - 4: More unprovoked and uncontrollable crying.
4:00pm - 6: Ran errands and refused to let my mind think of anything that might trigger any hopelessness.
6:00pm - 9: Remained in my daze, kept distracted by playing Rock Band

Finally around 9, Robby and I made the smartest decision we'd made all day: Called my dad. He's a brilliant physician and exceptional in phychiatry. He gave me the hope I needed to face the day today and gave Robby all the information he needs on how to deal with a wife who suffers from depression and bipolar disorder. We are all on the same page and will have frequent sessions to check on my progress.

While I'm still a little unstable today, I have found the hope I need to make it day to day. It includes exercise, and taking care of myself while accomplishing things around the house, little by little. Also, not thinking past today. My dad said it best in the talk he gave at Gus' funeral: "Endure to the end of the day."

That is what I intend to do.


Tia Langston said...

Oh beautiful Mel...I'm so glad you have the support system that you have. You are one lucky girl. *hugs*
Miss ya!

grandmasmith said...

Hugs and kisses from me! You are wonderful!

Lyndsay said...

Love you, Mel!

Tina said...

"Endure to the end of the day." Brilliant! Words to live by, for sure! xox