Robby, Gracie, Mel and Pearl

The Girls

2012-01-27T17:05:00.001-07:00

I have much less time with two kids that I'd anticipated,

hence the lack of blog updates.

But here is a quick picture we got with the girls

in their matching dresses from Gramma Pam.

Pearl continues to be colicky in the evenings

but at least I can be ready for it.

She's pretty delightful the rest of the day.

Gracie had a great week at school

and tomorrow we will go get paint for her.

Robby's still as hard working as ever,

and great at helping with the girls when I need it.

Morale is high and we are generally well.

Pearl is at Gus' age exactly today

and we are grateful for the blessing of

her continued life, thus far.

Life With a New Baby

2012-01-13T13:33:00.002-07:00

This little girl has kept me on a pretty tight leash. She can't sleep during the day for longer than 20 minutes if I'm not holding her so I'm hustlin to get this posted. It's great, though. I love holding her and rocking her and singing to her.

Since she's been here, I've been constantly amazed at how this little person has me so enchanted with her and has also somehow changed the way I feel about my other children. I'm more patient with Gracie than ever, even if it's still not quite enough. And I keep wondering how crazy I must have been to send my children away, both at such a young age, for an undetermined amount of time. My heart aches thinking about that past situation and I know there is no possible way I would be able to do that now.

Pearl stays in my sight and I like it that way. I like to be able to hear her breathing from wherever I am, especially at night. I could never sleep with my other babies in my room because they slept so loudly. Pearl also sleeps loudly, but I can't imagine not having her 3 feet away from me. It's bizarre how much has changed since my other children. I never thought I would be this way. When I lay Pearl down at night after feeding her, I like to lay awake for a while just so I can listen to her breathing. It's remarkably comforting.

From the instant I was able to hold her, she has brought me immense amounts of joy and comfort. I can't explain the longing my arms have felt over these past 4 1/2 years and I honestly didn't realize it myself until I held my little girl. All I wanted to do at first was hold her and that feeling hasn't let up yet. I know I'm going to have to let her cry it out soon, but I'm waiting until she is at least a month or so. Eventually I'm going to need to get things done, but I don't feel that need yet and I'm going to savor every moment I have with Pearl at this age.

She's such a blessing. She brings me a happiness and comfort I never imagined I'd ever have. It makes everything I've been through worth it just to have these moments of sweetness and gratitude. And I feel like I have another chance at being a better mother to Gracie. While I never appreciated her at Pearl's age, I can appreciate and love her now and be more patient with her. It's challenging but something has changed in me and I feel like I'm in the process of becoming the mother I've always wanted to be.

Gramma Pam's Visit

2012-01-11T13:23:00.004-07:00

Gracie and Gramma doing pilates.

Gramma and Pearl on their last day together.

We had so much fun with Gramma Pam here for a month.

She's amazing.

She just comes in and takes care of everything

and is wonderful about it.

I couldn't have babies without her.

We miss you, love you

and thank you, mom!

Pearl's Blessing Day

2012-01-07T21:41:00.000-07:00

Because my whole family was here and Robby's family is always

readily available to us, we decided to bless Pearl on Christmas Day in our home.

It was so wonderful and Robby did such a great job.

And being surrounded by family always makes an event more special.

Thanks to Phil, Brady, my dad, Steve, Grandpa Holmes,

Tim, Gary and Bishop Bawden for helping us bless our new little girl.

Christmas 2011

2012-01-07T21:18:00.000-07:00

Here are our meager Christmas morning pictures.

Gracie got almost everything she asked for,

but she was most concerned with the scarf she wanted.

She pretty much wore it non-stop the entire vacation.

We had such a great Christmas with my family.

It could not have worked out better with Pearl's arrival.

And it was so great to have all the extra love and support.

Everything is pretty much a blur from Pearl's first weeks alive

so I can't recall anything specific,

but I remember lots of cards and Wii and fun had by all.

Hooray and thank goodness for family.

My 1st Christmas Jammies

2012-01-05T11:58:00.001-07:00

I'm quite behind with my cute pictures, so bear with me while

I sporadically sprinkle my blog with pictures and commentary.

Not to mention I need to put together a new design

and header for the new family member

and, thus, new blog name.

Until then, here is sweetie Pearl

with her Auntie Jenna on Christmas Eve.

Have I mentioned how amazing our Christmas was

with my family down here?

Because it really was amazing

and so wonderful to be surrounded

by my family in Pearl's first few weeks.

Stealing A Second

2011-12-30T13:24:00.005-07:00

I have about 2 seconds but I wanted to document a few things going on with me and the family and things I want to expand on later.

1. This first couple weeks have been both hard and wonderful. Probably like 100% wonderful with bouts of difficultly. Thoughts of Gus are right at the surface without overtaking my love and awe of Pearl. More on those emotions later.

2. Pearl is the sweetest little babe you ever did see. At this very moment, she's kicking and playing quietly right next to me, allowing me this tiny bit of time to document things. And while she's a active little thing, she's also very mellow and easy to comfort. I'm 100% breastfeeding which I've never done before and Pearl is pretty much a champ and we are both doing well with it.

3. My family has been here all week and we have been having so much fun together. Wii and movies and card games and hilarious moments have all been shared and I'm gonna be sad to see everyone leave tomorrow.

4. I turned 27 on Wednesday and Jenna made me stuffed shrimp for my birthday dinner. It was amazing. I spent pretty much the rest of the day snuggling Pearl as much as I could which was my gift to me.

And 5. We are almost 2 weeks in with no extreme signs of Post Partum Depression, folks! I'm just trying to enjoy each moment I'm not depressed and hope this feeling will last.

Ok, Pearl is ready for attention. In a few days I'll update more on emotions and how having a new baby has affected me.

Stocking Stuffer

2011-12-26T14:36:00.003-07:00

We got a healthy one week old baby for Christmas.

How Pearl Got Here

2011-12-21T11:33:00.000-07:00

Early Sunday morning, some wicked contractions woke me up at about 5:30. I distracted myself for a while and tried taking a bath but those suckers only got worse. At 7, I went to the hospital and got all checked into triage where they found that I was dilated to 5 cm so I was good to go.

I asked for the epidural as soon as possible and she came right in, got me hooked up to the good stuff and within an hour I was feeling SO much better. It was the perfect epidural where I could still move but felt no pain whatsoever. I never even needed to push the button for extra pain meds.

They turned me on my side and 45 minutes later I was 10 cm and ready to push. Apparently there were no labor rooms available for me so I had to deliver right there in the tiny triage room. It worked out fine but it was pretty close quarters.

I was told to do one practice push and, having almost pushed the baby out, they determined I was ready. One push for the head, one for the body and Pearl was out just like that. It was pretty amazing and could not have gone any smoother. It was absolutely the best delivery experience I've ever had.

We are so glad Pearl got here safe and sound. She's perfect and healthy and I can't stop holding her. As far as the first few days have gone, we've done fairly well. Having a baby around has naturally kept me on my toes and I've thought about Gus here and there and had a few scary moments with Pearl, but overall everything is good.

I was asked by a social worker how I was feeling about the new baby after the loss of my last one and I, being forced to think about it, realized a few things about Pearl's birth. The feelings that have been brought up are not of grief or sadness, but complete joy and happiness at being able to finally fulfill the need for a baby in my arms I've felt for the past 4 1/2 years. Holding her brings me such peace and such a complete feeling, I can't help but hold her all the time and love every minute.

Everything is going well so far and we are all adjusting accordingly. We are all grateful and love our new addition.

Here's Pearl

2011-12-19T16:49:00.000-07:00

Pearl August

Born December 18th, 2011

7lbs 15oz, 20.5 in

Pictures today,

story tomorrow.

We love her.

The Latest at 39 Weeks

2011-12-16T19:24:00.001-07:00

Well, this past week has been a roller coaster of nonsense. Last Saturday night, I thought my water broke so I went into the hospital. Long story short, it hadn't and my contractions weren't changing me so they sent me home. It was a bummer but totally understandable.

Then, yesterday at my appointment my doctor stripped my membranes and I started having strong consistent contractions that afternoon. I waited until 4 hours after they started and remained consistent and then we went to the hospital again. While I was there, my contractions got stronger and closer together, but my cervix wasn't changing. So, after 2 hours and even though my contractions were 2 minutes apart, they sent me home. It was the worst thing ever. I slept for maybe a full 2 hours last night because the contractions didn't slow down until about 6 am. Before that, I was sleeping between contractions and waking up for the bad ones. Luckily, Gracie had school today so I could catch up on sleep the rest of the morning.

That was by far the most frustrating part of the whole "to go or not to go" hospital situations. So I've decided now that there is no way I'm going into the hospital unless my water breaks or I'm screaming through my contractions.

But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I talked to my doctor's office today and I'm scheduled to be induced on Tuesday, December 20th at 3:00am. All the medical personnel I've talked to are sure I won't make it that far but I am not going to do anymore to try and naturally induce labor and, in general, I just want to stop thinking every time I have a contraction, "Is this it? This could be it!" I can't take another 4 days of that. So I'm content to deliver on the 20th and not worry about anything until then. I mean, for heavens sake, my hospital bag is more than ready and has already had 2 practice runs to the hospital. So I'm going to let go of the stress and go with the flow. Knowing there is a specific time I'm allowed to go to the hospital to deliver takes such a huge weight off my shoulders.

Meanwhile, I'm just going to hang out with my mom. Despite all the whatnot, we've been having a lot of fun together. It's always awesome when I get to reconnect with my mom after months of not seeing her. Not to mention her immense help around the house and with Gracie. Her support alone has been invaluable and I'm not sure how I would have handled this past week without her.

Happy Birthday, Gracie Girl!

2011-12-13T09:25:00.001-07:00

Gracie is 6 years old today. No matter what I do, she keeps growing up. But we absolutely love her. She's hilarious and fun to be around. It may take her a few tries to start a sentence, but that also makes her cute. She's also sharp as a tack. Yesterday, she wanted me, Robby and Gramma Pam to vote on whether we wanted to watch AFV or PBS kids. She said, "Let's take a vote. The one with the least amount of votes wins." It was hilarious.

We are just so grateful for this ray of sunshine in our lives who has kept us going since the day she got here. Her joyful and positive outlook on life is so contagious, we can't help but be happy when she's around us. She's gotten so big and I'm so proud of how much she just wants to do the right thing and how sad she is when she hasn't done it. She's so grown up and we love her so much. She's going to be an awesome big sister.

Stockings Complete

2011-12-10T17:29:00.001-07:00

Gramma Pam is here safe and sound!

She brought with her Pearl's stocking

that Auntie Jenna made.

Now we just need the girl to get here.

It's getting close!

(Also, I know I'm pregnant,

but this picture makes me want to cry.

Look at all my kids!)

38 Weeks or 9 Months

2011-12-09T06:00:00.000-07:00

How Far Along: 38 Weeks. I've never been this pregnant before.

Maternity Clothes: Shirts no longer cover my entire tummy and the cold weather here lately has made it obvious. But I'm 9 months pregnant, for goodness sakes. Body presentation is pretty much the very last thing on my mind.

Best Moment This Week: A beyond wonderful woman from my ward dropped by the other day. We are friends on facebook and I was asking people around here where I could get a pedicure for a good deal. I fully intended to use this woman's suggestion, I just hadn't gotten to it yet, when, out of the blue, she stopped by to give me a gift certificate to get myself a pedicure. How amazing is that? It could not come at a better time. My feet are really bearing the brunt of this load.

Movement: Not much to say except there is lots and lots of movement that I am grateful for. Even though some kicks and squirms are painful, they at least tell me she is still alive in there and that's really all I want.

Food Cravings: Chocolate, chewy and crunchy things. Really, I'm all over the place, but those stick out the most lately.

What I Miss: Walking/shifting/moving without pain in my pelvis. I do ok generally and some days are better than others, but I'll be glad when I don't have to hold my breath to prep for the pain of getting out of bed.

Sleep: I'm tired a lot but during the night it's pretty hit or miss. I'm at least afforded time to nap during the day and for that I am grateful.

What I'm Looking Forward To: The moment when Pearl comes out, gets cleaned up and checked out, is deemed healthy and then placed on my chest to keep her warm. Then all I have to do is love and snuggle her and tell her how much I love her. I haven't been able to think about much but being able to physically hold and love this girl. My arms have been empty for so long, I'm honestly just aching to hold her.

Symptoms: Occasional contractions but nothing too serious. Aching feet but I've been fortunate enough not to swell at all this pregnancy. I feel full of water in my limbs, but it doesn't show, thank goodness. I really can't believe how well my body has done this pregnancy. Unless I get further intelligence, I'm going to attribute it to the exercising I was able to do, and for the luck of craving ice water for most of the pregnancy, causing me to drink a lot more water than I normally would.

Overall: I'm ready to see her but willing to wait. She must really love it in there.

Happy December!

2011-12-01T19:26:00.001-07:00

This is the first year we have ever decorated the outside of our house with Christmas lights. After inheriting some lights and decorations from our neighbors, Robby was inspired. He worked on this all day today and I think it turned out great. He also hung some lighted red candy canes in our backyard. I think there might be more in store, but for now we will try to work on the inside.

Meanwhile, I'm 37 weeks along tomorrow and progressing nicely. We'll see what this week brings.

And also, Happy Decembertime!

Thanksgiving Day

2011-11-25T23:33:00.001-07:00

We had a cozy little thanksgiving at home.

Just the three of us.

It was great and

Gracie ate almost everything.

We couldn't believe how

into the drumstick she was.

The only bad part of the day

was me burning my arm on the oven

while putting the turkey in, first thing.

Our original thanksgiving plans

were cancelled due to a car accident

had by Robby's poor Gramma,

who hosts thanksgiving every year.

She needed a break this year

and we did just fine on our own.

Then, today, Robby worked,

and Gracie and I stayed home,

never once thinking about

attempting to shop anywhere.

It was just not in the cards this year.

My 35 Week Glory

2011-11-22T22:49:00.001-07:00

How Far Along: 35 Weeks (Just as an FYI: Both of my other children delivered at 37 weeks.)

Maternity Clothes: Robby was cleaning out the garage the other day and we found a box of maternity clothes! Just in time for the last month of my pregnancy. Guh. Don't worry, I'm putting every single piece of clothing I found to use.

Best Moment This Week: Gracie said to me, "Mom, when Pearl gets here, I'm gonna love her so much. But don't worry, I'm still gonna love you just as much." Robby has been saying this to her ever since the beginning and I thought it was adorable that she'd want to reassure me about her love for me.

Movement: Pearl's a regular acrobat. She prefers to kick me on the right side of my ribs and gives no attention to the left side, whatsoever. Robby and Gracie like to watch her stretch and move around in there which is pretty hard to miss when she really gets goin.

Food Cravings: The only cravings I have are to not get heartburn at night. I have to eat dinner super early and make sure I stay sitting up the rest of the night or I'm plagued with burning in my chest, and for some reason, lately, nausea. SO frustrating. I'm just grateful I don't have either tonight.

What I Miss: Going to the grocery store and shopping normally. It's impossible to pull off these days. Robby either goes for me after work or we go together and I take the motorized cart and get the easy stuff while he gets the more complicated produce and what not. We actually make a pretty great team. I do the price matching, he does the hunting and gathering.

Sleep: I'm not gonna sugar coat it. Sleep is bad. If it's not one thing keeping me awake, it's another. Last week there was no keeping me awake for anything and that included 2 naps a day. This week I might as well be hopped up on caffeine for I get no naps and little sleep. The fact that I have to wake up just to roll over and readjust pillows helps not at all, along with the fact that I have the constant urge to pee and have to gauge the amount of time that's gone by to determine whether it's worth getting up for or not. Ah, such is the life.

What I'm Looking Forward To: I cannot wait for Pearl to get here so I can hold and snuggle her. I feel like I still have a lot of residual love left over that I was not able to give to Gus that is resurfacing as the time gets closer and closer. I'm just praying that I will not have post-partum issues to ruin my current excitement of a new baby in the house.

Symptoms: Tomorrow at my doctor's appointment, I fully expect to be taken off bed rest. Even though I've already kind of taken myself off, getting the ok from my doctor will be nice. Since I've been trying to do a little more I have been having more contractions but they always fade. They are just SO uncomfortable because of the sheer size of my uterus. I'm also at the point were just taking a shower makes my feet hurt so I am down a lot of the time. Plus my pubic symphysis pain makes moving around in general awkward and painful.

Overall: I'm still doing everything I can to try and enjoy this pregnancy. If I can avoid any negative feelings about the whole thing, I feel like I'll have a better shot at an easier post-partum recovery. If I catch myself feeling miserable or bad about my situation, I remind myself that at least Pearl is moving, even if it's painful. At least I know she is still alive. And at least my body seems to be doing everything it possibly can keep her safe until she's ready to come out. I just want is a healthy baby that I get to keep this time and a good outlook on life after the delivery.

Bike Ride

2011-11-19T14:14:00.001-07:00

Robby is one of the scout leaders for the 8-9 year olds, aka The Wolves. Every Wednesday at 4pm, he does his duty and sometimes he takes Gracie with him, if she had a good day at school. She absolutely loves it and looks forward to it every week. She talks a lot about how she's gonna be in scouts one day and I don't have the heart to correct her.

This past week was about bike safety and since she'd just learned how to ride a two-wheeler, Robby thought it'd be fun for her to learn all the things they were going to teach that day (I know she doesn't have a helmet, but try as we might, we cannot keep track of that thing). He said she caught on fast and did great and she was so proud of herself. That's all I want is a child with high self-esteem, and thanks to Ritalin, she now knows what that's like.

Switching gears:

I'm 35 weeks now and I've pretty much taken myself off bed rest, for the most part, and done surprisingly well. I do have this thing called pubic symphysis which causes my pubic bone and ligaments around there to ache and sting, not to mention random loss of function of the ligaments connecting the leg to the hip bone which causes the inability to walk. If I don't do a lot of walking or moving about, the pain isn't too bad. But lots of walking and maneuvering will give me hours of pain and spurts of collapsing. Which, in turn, has forced me to use the motorized carts at Walmart, which is mildly embarrassing and moderately inconvenient.

The contractions are manageable, they just hurt more now because of the size of Pearl and my uterus. But laying down almost always calms them so I think I'm good to go there. I have an OB appointment next Wednesday and he is supposed to officially take me off bed rest, so I'm looking forward to that. The only unfortunate thing is that I can't go hog-wild like I intended to because of the pubic symphysis. But to all that I say whatever. It'll happen when it happens. Although the ribs on my right side are telling me the sooner the better, on account of the active kicking Pearl seems to enjoy doing so much. But she is dealing with tight quarters, so I really don't blame her.

Otherwise, the collecting of baby gear is coming along nicely, thanks to craigslist. So if she did come today, I feel like I'd be 60% prepared.

He Works Hard

2011-11-15T08:58:00.001-07:00

Robby is the kind of dad that Gracie loves to brag about. According to her, he's funny and they are best friends. I'm the mom-boss because I am always the one who has to stop the fun for bedtime, dinner, etc, but I'm ok with that. I've never really been a play-with-my-kids kind of mom and Robby has made up for that, ten-fold.

This particular day, he'd worked 10 hours, then spent another 3 helping is brother move. He would be home just in time for Gracie to go to bed so he asked me to keep her up just a little later so he could see her. When he got home, he decided to read to her but was so exhausted he let Gracie read to him (which is basically Gracie making up a story for the pictures in the book if she can't read it). He said, "I was just gonna lay down so my back didn't hurt, then the light was in my eyes so I had to close them, then I was out." I don't blame him. He has days like that all the time.

Since I haven't been able to pick up the household slack very much lately, the best I can do for him is provide time and space for him to unwind when he gets home, and foot and back rubs as needed. My word, it's the least I can do for what he does for us all day long.

I'm just so grateful for this hard-working man who loves his family enough to do whatever it takes to provide for them. I never thought I would be so lucky. This past weekend, I had Gracie draw pictures of what she was thankful for and you can bet dad was right near the top. I think it's safe to say he has a home full of devoted and grateful girls who worship him, with another on the way.

Terror Mixed with Peace

2011-11-10T22:23:00.001-07:00

July 2007

The past couple days have been really hard. For some reason, I haven't been able to think about anything but the potential loss of Pearl, the baby I'm currently growing. I've hit a wall where my mind is telling me it's going to happen so I better prepare. But I don't want to prepare.

This is ridiculous! Logically, I know how slim the chances of losing another baby are, but my heart doesn't seem to understand the statistics. At all. I don't think my heart is even trying to understand the logic of the situation. And that is incredibly frustrating, after all the work I've done to get to the place that does understand.

It really bothers me that I've been thinking about losing Pearl so much because a) it does no one any good, b) I like to be logical and these thoughts are not logical, and c) there is nothing to be done about it; if it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen. I also was so sure that I'd be prepared to lose this baby the way I lost Gus because I'd been through it all before.

Turns out, I've become more attached to Pearl in utero than I have with any of my other children, and the thought of losing her along with all the things I want to learn about her just makes me crazy. I do not want to lose another child and I feel very strongly about that. Now that I've seen what it's like to raise a daughter to almost 6 years old, all I want is to be able to see what different joys and challenges Pearl might bring us over the next 6 years.

I can think of nothing but begging Heavenly Father not to take this child, however useless it may be. I don't control anything and have to be prepared for whatever, I'm just finding it difficult to be prepared for the worst case scenario, like I usually dutifully try to do.

But I don't wanna do it. I want to keep and raise this baby. I want her to be Gracie's little sister. I want Gracie to have a sibling. I want to enjoy this child. I want to tell her about her brother Gus someday. I want to watch her personality shine through as she grows. I just want to keep her, and I'm terrified I may not get to.

But here is the answer I've been given: Fill your lamp with oil. Store up as much reserve as you can of spiritual strength to help you through the next few months. It's gonna be hard. It's gonna be terrifying. The only way to keep your sanity is to be spiritually prepared for whatever may come because there is no way to be mentally or physically prepared.

That brings me peace. I know that I can survive whatever life throws at me if I can keep my faith in Heavenly Father and tuck some of that spiritual strength and knowledge away to use when I really need it. That's the only way any of us can survive life's trials. I can be irrational all I want, as long as I'm daily and continuously filling my spiritual reserves to strengthen me when I need them. I'm so grateful for my faith. I'd fall apart without it.

Pumpkin Pancakes

2011-11-03T12:12:00.004-07:00

Found through Pinterest from

Sweet and Savory Sarah's blog

She has a great play by play of

how to make these on her blog.

They are seriously so good.

I made them two Sundays in a row.

Find the recipe right here.

Then make and enjoy.

No More Training Wheels

2011-11-02T17:42:00.001-07:00

About 6 months ago, Robby took the training wheels off Gracie's bike, but also took off the pedals to turn it into a kind of scooter so she could learn balancing. She didn't get a lot of practice over the summer, but Robby made time for her here and there and she did pretty good. Today, since the weather is finally becoming beautiful, he took her to the church parking lot to let her try with the pedals.

As soon as she started, she took off like she'd been doin it her whole life. Robby called me at home and told me to drive over to watch her. She was so great! It's so weird to see our baby girl riding a bike like a big kid, but I guess she's officially passed into big kid territory.

Mel O'Lantern

2011-11-01T09:21:00.000-07:00

That's my real tummy, ladies and gentlemen.

Robby painted that pumpkin right on there.

After the festivities at Karen's house,

we went to Robby's grandma's house

where we got the best reaction ever.

This adorable 80-something old lady

took one look at my tummy

and fell back against the wall laughing.

I have never seen her laugh that hard.

Gracie was Princess Aurora

and Robby was dressed regularly

with a paint brush in his ear,

posing as an artist.

Because of my bed rest and

the general distractions of

this time in our lives,

Halloween took a bit of a back seat this year.

We'll try again next year.

Hat Day and Halloween Spirit

2011-10-27T09:03:00.001-07:00

So this was pretty much all we had to work with this morning.

But she sure got a lot of comments as we walked to the playground.

She's happier than she appears in this picture, I promise.

Also, have you seen this video?

It will launch you into the

Halloween spirit.

It's seriously the best.

The Crib is Ready

2011-10-25T14:29:00.000-07:00

Thanks to a friend in my ward

we have a crib for Pearl

complete with bedding.

And thanks to Robby's day off

we were able to put it

all together today.

We're gettin closer.

Pumpkin Bread

2011-10-20T20:58:00.001-07:00

Today I wanted my house to smell like baked pumpkin.

So I decided if I could find a pumpkin recipe

that I already had all the ingredients for,

I'd force myself to make it.

When I found this pumpkin bread recipe, I was ecstatic.

I'll tell you what,

baking without a KitchenAid is not easy.

I felt like a pioneer mixing with a wooden spoon.

Either way, this bread is so good,

it was worth the elbow grease required.

And it only took me about 15 minutes of prep time.

It was a great way to make this

90 degree Arizona weather

at least smell like October.

30 Weeks or 7 Months

2011-10-14T12:28:00.002-07:00

How Far Along: 30 Weeks

Maternity Clothes: Luckily, my good friend Bethany loaned me some of her maternity clothes so I've been sporting her cute shirts lately. Soon, I'm sure of it, I will have to buy at least one pair of pants, but with temps hovering around 100 this past week, it's not on my immediate TO DO list.

Best Moment This Week: The modified bed rest I've been restricted to is actually working! My contractions have slowed down a ton and I, in turn, have been much more comfortable. I've been seeing my doctor every week and the best thing I heard this week was, "I don't think I need to see you for 2 more weeks." Hooray!

Movement: Sweet Pea is officially kicking my ribs but, luckily, not too much yet. Still, her activity level is mighty similar to Gracie's activity level in the womb. And we all know what she's like. :)

Food Cravings: I have been craving produce and ice water pretty consistently. And ramen.

What I Miss: The use of my abs. These poor guys are wearin thin. Lots more grunting these days.

Sleep: It's pretty hit and miss. Some night are ok, others take forever for me to get to sleep and/or I wake up every few hours. I wouldn't say I'm sleeping horribly yet, but I can't remember the last time I slept well through the night.

What I'm Looking Forward To: A few weeks ago, Robby made the comment, "I'm so glad we get to say 'our kids' again." I'd forgotten that we once were actually able to say "our kids" instead of "our kid" or "only one kid" and I'm really looking forward to saying we have "kids" again. I hadn't realized how much I missed it.

Symptoms: Less contractions but pretty much the same amount of headaches. I cannot wait for these to not be part of my daily routine again.

Most Awkward Moment This Week (only because there definitely was one): At my doctor's appointment, I saw the P.A. in the office instead of my doctor and it was my first time meeting her. She was great and had excellent bedside manner. After going through all the regular stuff and making some small talk, she glanced down at my chart and said, "So, you're gonna have two girls and a boh . . . . two girls!" Exactly like that. I wanted to diffuse the awkward situation immediately, the way I always have with anyone who has suddenly become uncomfortably aware that I lost my son, but she plowed right through with some more small talk about having girls and buying clothes for them and wondering how she would raise them. It was a really good save, probably the best I've ever come across, I just wish I would have had the chance to say, "Really, it's ok." I hate the thought of someone I've had any kind of personal conversation with being uncomfortable about Gus' death in any way. It makes me more uncomfortable than anything else and this woman was really the first person I wasn't able to explain all that to. Perhaps the next time I see her. Until then, she did give me a funny moment to think about.

Our Inheritance

2011-10-12T06:30:00.000-07:00

So, do you guys remember this picture from this post way back in 2008? Just to keep everyone on the same page, that is our kitty-corner neighbor and their extravagant Christmas decorations they pull out every year. It's always been fun for us to sit on our front lawn at night to watch the little show or just walk over and point out all the little details that are so hard to catch at just a glance.

A few weeks ago, I noticed a For Sale sign in their front yard and immediately was saddened at the thought of not having those decorations out for Christmas this year. Well, tonight, Robby and Gracie went on a walk in the nice weather and while they were gone, our sweet right-next-door neighbor, Gail, who we love and who loves Gracie, came over and informed me that she, too, was moving.

Here is the story Gail gave me: When the kitty-corner neighbors decided to move, they were going to give all their Christmas decorations to Good Will. Gail thought that would be a waste and she thought that she might be able to give some of the decorations to her son or put them to use somehow. This was before she knew she was moving and had to be out of her house by November 1st. Now Gail has this huge hoard of Christmas decorations that she will not move with her. So, naturally, Gail offered all the decorations to us.

My very first thought was, "Do you even understand how much it would cost to run an operation like that?!" I mean, there are all sorts of intricate gadgets that are not pictured above and they are almost all powered by electricity. However, my love for Gail superseded my incredulity at her offer and I said we would absolutely love to have them. We will procure them sometime at the end of this week.

Now, I do not intend to put much of these decorations up, but I think a little festivity would be nice since we are having Christmas here this year. And we plan to sell the decorations we don't want and/or can't afford to power. Three years ago, I never thought we would ever deal with the kitty-corner neighbor's Christmas decorations, but the chain of inheritance has evidently brought us to that point and we are gonna see what we can do to make our house extra pretty in preparation for Sweet Pea this December.

Gracie, Kid of Character

2011-10-07T11:01:00.000-07:00

Gracie was given an award for "Most Improved" in the past 9 weeks!

I'm so proud I could burst!

I love that girl so much.

7 Random Things About Me

2011-10-06T13:27:00.000-07:00

Sweet and awesome Katie Harris tagged me to post 7 random things about myself,

and since I love her, I'm more than happy to oblige.

I was born in Ponce, Puerto Rico. My dad was there for medical school which made it the place of my birth. My dad also delivered me (and Gracie, by the way) and after I was born they put me in a little paper outfit. Really. It was paper.
I was only in college for about 9 months but I started out as an automotive major and, on the advice of a good guy friend in that field, half way through I switched to a dance major. I never finished, on account of my marriage to Robby and starting work, but if I ever go back, I think I'd like to go back to an automotive major. I seriously love cars.
I will beat almost anyone in Friends trivia. Robby said he'd absolutely always bet on me. The only friend I have that I know of that equals my Friends knowledge is Jami Warner. She always gets my Friends jokes.
I did ballet all growing up and actually did pointe for 4 years. I still have all my pointe shoes.
When I was 17, my parents sent me to Hawaii to stay with an aunt and uncle to get me away from a seriously crazy boyfriend. While there, I ended up attempting suicide and was committed to an adolescent mental hospital for a week. I'm pretty sure 17 was the year I made almost all the very worst decisions in my life. I was seriously SO dumb. Luckily, that's over.
In my family, we grew up eating grilled cheese sandwiches with jelly spread on them. I still do. The best is raspberry jelly. Robby thinks it's weird and gross so I limit my jelly covered grilled cheese sandwiches to when he's not home.
When I pump gas, I always have to make the price ends up on either an even number or a 5 or 0. I don't know why but I've done this ever since I started driving. I even get after Robby if he doesn't pay attention.

So there you have it!

I'm a weirdo.

I was gonna tag a few people

but I gotta go do the dishes

before Gracie comes home.

Thanks for tagging me, Katie.

You are the cutest

and this was really fun!

Homemade Dishwasher Detergent

2011-10-06T08:50:00.000-07:00

I forgot to give the monetary breakdown for the laundry soap:

(I bought everything at Walmart)

1 4lb box Borax: $2.98

1 4lb box Arm & Hammer Baking Soda: $2.12

1 4 lb box Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda: $3.24

2 bars Zote soap: $1.94 @ $.97 each

2 small Oxi-Clean: $7.72 @ $3.86 each (If you can find the off-brand, it's probably cheaper.)

Total: $14.76

Use 1 tablespoon per load.

Now onto the dishwasher detergent:

1 4lb box Borax: $2.98

1 4lb box Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda: $3.24

24 pkgs unsweetened lemonade drink mix: $2.88 @ $.12 each

3 cups Epsom Salt: 4 lb bag $3.28 (If you have any left over, it's probably cheaper.)

1 bottle Lemi Shine (I guess this doesn't work well without it): $3.66

Total: $14.92

Mix all ingredients together in a large bowl and put in container of your choice and use 1 tablespoon per load. Robby happens to be a connoisseur of containers so I used 2 of those Walmart brand one gallon ice cream containers. Also, apparently the mixture hardens, so separating it is a good idea, too. I am also waiting to run out of my current detergent to use this so I'll be sure to update when I know how it works.

I also got this from Being Creative to Keep My Sanity. She has TONS of awesome tutorials.

Those are all the ideas I have for now. And so, until my next motivational burst . . .

Homemade Laundry Soap

2011-10-05T17:22:00.004-07:00

I'm in super-savings mode these days. Today, the combination of Robby's day off and a mysterious boost of motivation on my part created the perfect situation for me to make my own laundry soap from a blog I found through Pinterest. I got this from Being Creative to Keep My Sanity.

1 4lb box Borax
1 4lb box Arm & Hammer Baking Soda
1 4lb box Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda
2 bars Zote soap (or 3 bars Fels-Naptha soap)
2 small containers oxi-clean (this is optional, I guess)

Start by grating the Zote soap (or Fels-Naptha) just like cheese.

Then toss all ingredients in a 5 gallon bucket lined with a garbage bag.

Mix all together and store in whatever container works for you (I used an old laundry detergent box).

Here's what the finished product looks like:

It probably took me about 10-15 minutes

and smells so good.

Now I just have to run out of my current laundry detergent

to test this baby out.

Tomorrow,
homemade dish soap.

The Perfect Picture

2011-10-04T21:31:00.000-07:00

Gracie's school picture could not have turned out better.

The mischievous little smile pretty much

portrays her exact personality.

I almost cried when I saw it.

She's such a big girl who does

so well in school.

The Goings-On

2011-09-29T11:39:00.002-07:00

My contractions started getting pretty intense over the weekend so I saw my doctor and he's put me on modified bed rest, where I still need to be down most of the day but I can still do little things. It's actually helped a lot already.

So while that's been going on this week, Robby has been amazing. He's been close by on a couple of his last jobs of the day so he's been able to pick up Gracie when she gets home from school and take her to work with him until he's done. I guess she does great and he's able to get a lot done because he doesn't feel like he needs to rush home as fast when 50% of his reason for rushing is with him already. And it has made this week so much easier for me.

I'm trying to stay as positive as possible about everything and not get discouraged. It's so easy for me to let my mind wander and stress over things when I'm not as busy doing things around the house, so I'm just trying not to get sucked in.

I start my third trimester tomorrow. Let's hope Sweet Pea stays in for at least another 6-8 weeks.

Meanwhile, Gracie's new medication has been amazing for her. Not a single note home since she's started it and that is really saying something. She is so proud of herself and it makes me so happy to know she's not so discouraged. We say a prayer every day before school and she really takes it seriously. When I pick her up and she's done well that day, she says, "Mom! The pay-er worked! Jesus just helped me!" She knows she's on the medication, too, but I love that she associates it with prayers.

I'm pretty overwhelmed with how well she has done the past few days. She's getting so big and responsible. But she still lets me kiss her and tuck her in at night. I feel like I need to readjust my thinking so she's not just my little baby Gracie anymore, but that she's capable and confident and can make the right decisions, the only way a 5 year old can.

I also feel like I owe most of the credit to Robby. I wish you could all see how he is with her. It's such a sweet and loving relationship and they have so much fun together. When she comes home from spending time with him, she always has a joke to tell me that was funny in the car on Country Club & the 60, but evolved into some crazy version of nonsense that only they understand. It's amazing. She's a lucky girl and I'm a lucky wife. He's such a good man and makes the stresses of life not so stressful.

Business Trip Spoils

2011-09-24T21:22:00.002-07:00

Robby came home from his yearly business trip to Utah last night. He was well equipped with presents for Gracie since she did so well in school this week. The best present was this sweet sombrero. She's worn it all day long and loved every second of it.

We are so happy to have Robby home. Gracie can finally have her silly time at night again and I can manage my day knowing Robby will be home after work. I'm not gonna lie, it was a really rough week for me. And being super hormonal doesn't help anything, what with the all day crying and the frozen-in-bed-hoping-to-find-a-reason-to-live that was going on with me. It's a little disconcerting how poorly I handled Robby's prolonged absence, but it also reminds me what a great marriage and overall relationship we have. I think I can manage 4 days without him once a year, as long as I'm not pregnant and also mentally prepared for the whole thing. I just love him.

Also, Gracie started her medication this week. That was kind of stressful for me because I didn't have a chance to try it out on her at home so I sent her off to school with this new medication in her system and the whole day, in my irrational mind, I was sure I'd get a call from the nurse telling me she'd had a seizure or something. So that'll give you an idea of the state I was in all week. She turned out to be fine and since we've upped her dosage, I've seen a dramatic difference.

Today was also a pretty rough day for me, even though I knew Robby would come home to me tonight like any regular day. I seem to have a bladder infection and it caused me some stabbing pain in my lower left abdomen for about 3-4 hours. I was afraid I'd have to go to the ER, but I'm extremely lucky to have a dad as a doctor and he eased my mind and prescribed the necessary medication for such an affliction. I'm also extremely lucky that Gracie knows how to keep herself busy, so while I was in bed for most of that painful time, she knew exactly what she needed to do. Once Robby came home, my morale increased ten-fold and I had the meds I needed. So at this point, all is well, but I'm ready for bed.

All is right with the world again, now that Robby's home. We just love him so much, it's obscene. But we're ok with with it. He's pretty great.

Feeling Pretty

2011-09-20T08:22:00.000-07:00

Sweet Reachel Bagley was kind enough

to feature me on her blog over here.

Thanks, Reachel!

Comfirming Our Suspicions

2011-09-19T08:37:00.000-07:00

After all the issues at school, Gracie's teacher and I both filled out some behavioral tests to find out if our girl really has some kind of attention disorder. The results are in and according to these tests, Gracie has ADHD.

The next decision was whether to medicate her or not. She has been doing better, but every day is different and on the bad days there really is no getting through to her. So we decided we are going to try medication.

At this point, it at least gives me some hope.

My Built-In Breakfast Nook

2011-09-15T10:35:00.000-07:00

That's what Robby is lovingly calling my tummy.

Just as a quick update:

Gracie is doing SO much better in school.

Her principal even called me to see how she was doing

because he hadn't seen her for a whole week!

It was a great conversation.

And I'm actually on-target with my weight gain this pregnancy.

I feel dumb saying anything but I'm pretty proud of the fact

that my doctor was so proud of the fact

that I didn't gain any weight from August to September.

Granted, the depression had a lot to do with that,

but it was still a nice little boost to get such high praise

and overall happiness with my numbers at my appointment.

I think I'm coming out of the depression slump.

My good friend, Shauntel, brought me a book about

depression in women from an LDS perspective called

Reaching for Hope.

It is completely different from any other

self-help book I've read before and I love

the stories from women who deal with

the same things I do, along with similar spiritual issues.

I've never found that in a book and I've always

been left wondering, "Ok, but what if I feel like my prayers

aren't doing anything and I feel like I have no real

spiritual connection to my Heavenly Father?"

This answers that question for me.

Anyway, that's the report for now.

As a whole, our family is doing better.

Makes My Day

2011-09-13T13:13:00.000-07:00

I love finding notes on my iPod from Robby.

Dealing with Depression During Pregnancy

2011-09-08T03:12:00.000-07:00

I've been doing great this pregnancy, as has been documented here. But a couple weeks ago, I completely lost interest in food. I found that every time my stomach would growl, I'd groan, get a glass of ice water and hope that would tide me over for a while so I didn't have to think about eating. It became such a chore to eat that I found myself just ignoring hunger pains. I've still been eating, just less than normal. But I didn't realize how much less until Robby commented that I was looking thinner.

Whenever I lose interest in food, it sometimes takes me a little while, but it is always an indicator to me that, without my knowledge or permission, my depression has slowly taken over the majority of my daily thoughts and actions. I then start to realize how many other indicators there have been that I haven't paid attention to, such as my complete inability to focus, my tendency to sit staring for longer periods than normal, and my loss of interest in things I should care about. For me, this can sometimes be dangerous. Especially when I'm pregnant and completely out of control of my hormones.

I've gone through the list of things in my head and I feel like there are a couple things that can be attributed to my recent depression:

a) I haven't been able to exercise as much as I'd like. I had to put my gym membership on hold because the class I liked to take was too strenuous and caused a lot of painful contractions. I've tried pregnancy dvds with the same result, and even walking a lot puts me out of commission for a couple hours. And while I've been contracting much less, I still wish I had that aggressive outlet I used to count on.

b) With Gracie at school, I have a lot more time to myself to either think about too much, or not be forced to think enough. With Robby's help, I've been trying to set up a cleaning schedule to give me some sort of routine every day, but it's hard to be consistent when some chores give me contractions with no rhyme or reason to them.

It's hard to find solutions to problems when your thinking is all fuzzy and uncooperative but writing it all out helps me organize things a little and putting it in a public place gives me an easy place to refer to when this happens again.

The key for me seems to be setting a couple small goals to work on every day so I don't overwhelm myself and completely give up, then feel unbearably guilty he rest of the day for not doing the things that should be so easy to me. So here are the small steps I'm going to try to take every day to feel like I'm managing my life until the depression fog starts to lift:

1. Pick a specific time each day to do one chore in one room (such as vacuuming, picking up, cleaning, etc), then see how much I can do.

2. Have at least one thing scheduled in the morning and one in the afternoon to do every day. One of those can be cleaning but the other has to be something different and something out of my room (maybe practicing the piano for longer than usual or picking a small space to organize). Ideally it should be something I don't really feel like doing just so I can make myself do it and feel accomplished.

3. I'm already reading my scriptures every morning, but I want to try to really understand what I read, even if it's only a little bit that day. Then, read one other thing from a church magazine or from lds.org just for good measure.

I feel like I can handle these right now and taking more control of the small things in my daily life, I'm hoping, will be what I need to be more motivated to just care about taking care of myself and my little family.

24 Weeks

2011-09-02T08:49:00.000-07:00

How Far Along: 24 weeks.

Maternity Clothes: I think I bought one dress since my last update, but, alas, no shirts. I need shirts, for sure.

Best Moment This Week: I went to the temple on Tuesday and had a lot of time to think about my Sweet Pea with her brother Gus. I started feeling guilty for separating them, but realized that to make sure she stays in our family forever, I have to bring her to this earth. I love knowing families are forever. And Robby reminded me that when we all see Gus again, it will be as if we'd never left him.

Movement: She's a regular acrobat these days. Robby is feeling her more and more, which makes it more exciting for both of us. Gracie still puts her hand on my tummy for about 2 seconds then freaks out that she's actually gonna feel something, so for her I put my iPod on my tummy where Sweet Pea is kicking and let Gracie watch. She laughs like crazy.

Food Cravings: I guess this week would be Mexican food. I've made Taco Pizza at least twice and am gonna make Taco Soup tonight.

What I Miss: I really miss sitting up in bed or getting up from a chair and not grunting. Sweet Pea is really starting to interfere with my daily life. It's ok, I still love her.

Sleep: I'm still not sleeping very well. Luckily, with Gracie at school all day, I have ample opportunity for naps during the day and I strive for at least one. The problem, for me, with going to bed super early is that I wake up at like midnight and can't get back to sleep. Then, when I finally do, I wake back up at 3 or 4 and it takes at least an hour. So my nights are pretty choppy. What I am grateful for is that it's me waking myself up instead of Gracie. She sleeps through the night, no problem. Such a good girl.

What I'm Looking Forward To: Playing with Sweet Pea. I was so focused on the stresses and anxieties of a new baby that I forgot how cute they are. Especially my babies. :)

Symptoms: Regular contractions and headaches. Try as I might, I can't get rid of either. Lame.

Generally: Doin good!

The Trouble with Gracie

2011-09-01T08:46:00.001-07:00

I usually like to make September resolutions because I love September 1st so much. But this year, my thoughts are only, "Gracie at school; Gracie at school."

Yesterday, there was another trip to the principal's office, for Gracie and for Robby and me. Her teacher was gone yesterday so she had a sub and apparently she felt that gave her free reign to do whatever it was she wanted to do. All morning she was chasing another boy, standing in her chair, and a slew of other things that became too much for the poor sub to handle. Then, when another teacher came to pick her up to take her to the principal's office, she refused to go, but when she eventually got there she threw a tantrum. So she stayed in the time out room all during lunch, where she continued to stand in the chair and on the desk and generally be disruptive.

Luckily, it was Robby's day off so when the principal called me, Robby and I talked and decided to go in for a meeting with the principal to figure out what he thought we should do, because she was going to be sent to another teacher's classroom the rest of the day, once she calmed down and started following directions, and if she could still not behave herself, I was going to have to pick her up early.

We met with the principal and a counselor who'd observed Gracie and it was actually a really positive experience. I was so glad Robby was there because, at the very beginning of the meeting, it was all I could do to keep from crying (what with the pregnancy hormones, and all) and Robby just kind of took over and said everything I wanted to say. They were both so nice and genuinely waned to figure out a way to make Gracie's school experience a successful one, without sacrificing the learning of other children, which I totally understand and am on board with.

We talked about taking Gracie to the doctor to check for ADD or some other attention disorder and the counselor gave me a behavioral sheet to fill out and Gracie's teacher would fill one out too and we'd send both to the doctor so he could see how she behaved in both environments. I suspected something like this, but didn't know when an appropriate time to have her checked would be. I'm grateful to know the people who work with Gracie feel I can take her in now. It's just another thing that might be able to help her.

The other big problem was her humming and general noise making. Sometimes she's totally aware of it, but sometimes she doesn't have any idea that she's doing it, which makes it difficult to correct her. So that is the first thing we are going to work on. We had a big ol' talk about it this morning and she repeated everything I said back to me. I told her when she could hum, like on the playground at recess, and when she couldn't hum.

I'm hoping for the best today but I got some great ideas from the meeting yesterday about consequences for Gracie and incentives for her so I'm feeling good, as of right now, about figuring out how to best work with and corral her.

Any tips to keep your kids from constantly humming? The only idea I came up with was giving her a set amount of time on a timer she could watch where she was not allowed to hum, then afterwards letting her hum all she wanted, if she didn't hum during the allotted time. That's mostly for practice at home. Any other ideas would be greatly appreciated.

And prayers and well-wishes are always accepted. I think we have a long road ahead of us.

This Pregnancy

2011-08-26T12:32:00.000-07:00

At 16 weeks along, in Utah.

My sweet sister Hill took the picture,

while my other sweet sister Jenna did my hair.

So I'm actually enjoying this pregnancy. I know. It came as a shock to me, too. But the other day I just found myself realizing that I'm not miserable, and I've been able to spend a good 30 minutes every day just laying down to watch and feel my little Sweet Pea move around in my tummy.

I'm also so much more capable than during my others. And while this is by far the scariest pregnancy (what with all the worry of losing her at any given time, and finding myself loving her so much that I don't know if I could bear it if I did lose her), it's also seems to be the most rewarding pregnancy. I only wish I could have enjoyed my other pregnancies this much.

Basically, I'm happy to be pregnant. Plus, my doctor is taking such a relaxed and easy approach to my contractions that just having them isn't stressing me out either. I'm so lucky this time around. And extremely grateful.

Happy Girl

2011-08-24T20:38:00.000-07:00

Since last Friday, Gracie has had several good days, which we are so happy about. However, on Monday I received a call from the school psychologist this time. Apparently, a boy in Gracie's class kissed her. I asked specifically, "So, is Gracie in trouble?" And she told me, "No, I don't think so." But then she came home from school with another note from the principal! Which totally made me think she'd done something wrong because it said "kissing another student." It's not like she asked to be kissed or even knows how to kiss back! Come on!

I was a little frustrated and decided if she was sent to the principal's office one more time, I was gonna have to go in and talk to the principal. I was also afraid I might freak out on whoever called me because I was so irritated at the fact that a 5 year old was being sent to the principal's office in the first place, as she had no idea what it meant.

This was the conversation we had about the principal:

Me: "I don't want you to see Mr.{principal} at all today."

Gracie: "Is Mr.{principal} bad?"

Me: "No, but it's bad when you go to see him."

Gracie: "But sometimes he comes to my classroom."

Me: "That should be ok, just don't go to his office."

She just doesn't understand what " the principal's office" is yet. And when I get notes from her teacher that say "I had to ask her several times to stop talking." I'm thinking, "Of course you did!"

I'm giving the teacher the benefit of the doubt, but any more principal office visits might make me lose it on the teachers at that school.

Thanks for letting me vent.

22 Weeks & Gracie

2011-08-19T12:23:00.000-07:00

Well, Gracie's first week of school has been a tough one. She was sent to the Principal's office yesterday for hiding in the bathroom, disrupting the classroom and refusing to do her work earlier this week. I cried for about an hour after the principal called me. I had NO idea what to do.

Gracie has an extremely intimidating personality and I've learned how to manage her, but if anyone ever tries to straight up control her, it never works. She's not a conformist and she does not understand why she has to be. I can explain to her why she needs to learn and why she needs to sit still but if she doesn't see the immediate need for it, it's just not going to happen.

As she gets older and her understanding of the world expands, Robby and I have both had lots of conversations with her about why she shouldn't hug strangers, why she can't dance around during church and why she can't talk/sing/hum when other people are talking. I know she's still just a 5 year old, but she's a 5 year old packed with a personality bigger than my realm of understanding. I never knew a child could be so harmless yet cause so much trouble. She just has such an overwhelming love for the world, she feels like she needs to share it and help other people feel the same way.

She also has the most amazing and sensitive spirit. When I cry, she's by my side, hugging me and telling me not to be sad about Gus because Gus lives in heaven. She's such a powerful little person and I just hope I can find some way to channel all her goodness. Until then, we're just gonna be doin the best we can over here.

Blog for Non-Cooks

2011-08-16T17:02:00.000-07:00

I've decided to compile all my easy dinners

and other various recipes.

Come check it out:

Actually Easy Dinners

Crock Pot Chicken and Dumplings

2011-08-13T12:22:00.000-07:00

I love this and so does Robby.

Recipe from bubblecrumb.com

It's easy and yummy.

Updates and Such

2011-08-12T23:10:00.001-07:00

Apparently, Robby and Gracie are allowed to play on his phone

when I'm playing the organ in Sacrament meeting

and can't come down to man the troops.

It's ok. They're cute.

As far as Gracie first three days of school went:

Her teacher called me to tell me that

she talks a lot in class, even when asked to stop.

It's not very surprising,

considering she's the exact same way at home,

and no amount of asking or begging

will keep her from saying what's on her mind.

So I had no idea what to tell her poor teacher.

Luckily, Kindergarten teachers are made with

extra patience for 5 year olds,

and anyone who meets Gracie loves her.

But it's going to be quite the transition.

As for me, I'm getting all kinds of chores done

and naps in, for the most part.

My contractions started up pretty intense and regular

this week, so I've had to take it easy.

Which also means I haven't been to the gym in a week

and I'm going crazy.

And I'm not getting as much sleep as I'd like

as the contractions tend to keep me up at night.

The interesting thing to me about the contractions

during this pregnancy is that I really don't mind them too much.

I'm happy to be pregnant and willing to do what

I need to to keep housing my little sweet P as long as she needs.

It's nice to be more grown up during this pregnancy.

It really helps me remain more calm in stressful situations.

Thank goodness for trials, growth and necessary maturity.

Taco Pizza for Dinner

2011-08-10T18:48:00.000-07:00

I've recently discovered Pinterest and while the pictures are pretty, my most favorite part has been the awesome recipes I've discovered. Not to mention the great blogs attached to said recipes. Tonight I made this Taco Pizza from the Real Mom Kitchen. It was easy to cater to my family's likes and dislikes and took about 30 minutes from start to finish with a delicious ending. Easy, yummy, ingredients I already have in the kitchen (for the most part); it fits all my criteria.

All Day Kindergarten

2011-08-10T13:20:00.000-07:00

Today is her first day

and she's Powered by Sunshine.

How'd she get so big?

20 Weeks: Halfway There

2011-08-05T06:03:00.001-07:00

I'm borrowing Jenna's pregnancy questionnaire.

Thanks sis!

How Far Along: 20 Weeks

Maternity Clothes: I have a couple shirts and a couple shorts but I can still squeeze into a few of the old reliables.

Best Moment This Week: Baby girl is kickin up a storm on a daily basis now. I love every gyration.

Movement: Lots of movement and Robby can even feel her little kicks now.

Food Craving: My cravings are all over the place and change frequently, but this week, I'd say bread is at the very top of my list.

What I Miss: Laying on my tummy. I can still do a half side/half tummy position if conditions are perfect, but I really miss being able to plop down on the bed on my tummy to read a book.

Sleep: I've had sleep issues my whole life so the trouble I've been having lately I'm attributing to Gracie starting school next week and me not being very prepared for it.

What I am Looking Forward To: If I can get one more maternity dress, I think my Sunday attire would be complete. I love showing off my little bump and love when people touch my belly.

Symptoms: Contractions. They started at about 12 weeks this time around but they didn't really start bothering me until the past couple of days. I'm sure it's just because my uterus is getting bigger, making comfort generally more difficult. Luckily, I have a long history with contractions so I know how to handle them.

Postscript: I'm really nervous about being halfway done with this pregnancy. I'm not in denial about what happens at the end of all this, I'm just wishing time weren't going by so fast already. I'd like to keep this little girl in there as long as possible, at this point, because I'm still scared to death at the prospect of handling a newborn baby. Don't worry, though. I'm taking deeps breaths and I intend to be as prepared as possible when this baby comes.

4 Years Now

2011-08-01T00:26:00.000-07:00

The years keep coming, and we keep on surviving.

Not only do we survive, we thrive,

and grow, and create, and love,

and laugh, and play,

and remember.

I never thought it would be possible,

but it is happening.

Step by weary step,

day by endless day,

year after transforming year.

We live and remember,

with excruciating gratitude,

our Gus.

Last Various Sundries

2011-07-23T21:35:00.000-07:00

Rob manning the pontoon on Deer Creek.

Gracie sleepin off her fever in the pavilion.

Gracie taking charge of the kiddie bowling lanes

at the Provo Beach Resort.

(I know. You're thinking,

"Mel, Utah has no ocean to warrant a beach resort!"

Well, you'd be right. But that didn't stop us from enjoying

this hidden oasis for children.)

And there you have the Holmes Family Reunion 2011.

It was all awesomeness.

All the Little Cousins

2011-07-21T21:25:00.000-07:00

L to R: Evee, Tessa, Jack (havin a rough time, there), Henry holding Grant, Owen, Gracie (being shockingly uncooperative), and Lilly holding Penny.

There are 9 of the 10. This attempt was right before bedtime and pretty much a disaster. But they are all there and documented and in matching pajamas.

It was so much fun to see all the kids play together, especially since they only get to see each other once a year or so, what with the siblings being scattered across the country and all. We are hoping for another gathering around Christmas, but our next little girl is scheduled to make her debut sometime around then so we are playing it all by ear, I'd imagine.

We are really hoping we get another reunion coordinated for next summer, but who knows what everyone will be doing by then. We're crossing our fingers, though. We had such a great time!

Baby and Belly @17 Weeks

2011-07-20T15:33:00.000-07:00

A second ultrasound has confirmed a girl.

I cannot tell you how excited Gracie is to have a sister.

Jenna Was in Charge of Hair

2011-07-19T18:08:00.001-07:00

Jenna did all the little girl's hair almost every day

more tolerantly than I've ever seen anyone handle

a wiggly little kid before.

The second picture down is Tessa,

who is hilarious.

And the last picture is my sis Mary and niece Lilly,

who is too big for her own britches.

We rented a pavilion at Deer Creek

and spent Tuesday there.

It was great for everyone

because as I was pregnant

I couldn't do any tubing or skiing so

I held down the fort with the little babies

while everyone else took turns on the boat.

The only bad part was Gracie getting a fever that morning.

She took a full on nap on the concrete floor

of the pavilion, covered in blankets.

It was so sad.

And ultimately, all the little kids got

that same fever at one point during the trip.

Thank goodness for children's Tylenol and Ibuprofen.

Babies First

2011-07-18T07:33:00.000-07:00

Evee babe.

Penny girl.

Grantster.

I had so much fun with my nieces and nephews.

Overall, the entire trip was a success.

More pics and fun to come.

Preliminary Report

2011-07-13T08:01:00.001-07:00

Those are our baby girl's legs

with nothin in between 'em.

All signs point to another female in our future.

Vacation

2011-07-07T10:35:00.000-07:00

Headin to Utah for a family reunion.

Catch ya on the flip side!

Belly @ 14 Weeks

2011-07-02T20:18:00.000-07:00

I guess I don't really know where I've been the past week and a half. I started teaching piano lessons so that has kept me pretty busy. It's actually been great. Turns out I know a lot about piano, having taken it myself for so many years, so it's really not hard to teach it to other people. Plus, the curriculum I use makes it pretty easy, too. I think I've just been in a little slump I've been trying to get out of lately. Today was the first really good day I've had in a while, so I thought I should at least let my blog reflect that.

Next week we are heading up to Utah for the 1st Annual Holmes Family Reunion with my brother and sisters and their families. We are all so excited. Gracie packed her backpack a couple weeks ago with some puppets so she could "play puppets with Gramma and Grandpa." I'm excited for a vacation with Robby because it's been over a year since we've been anywhere together. The only thing I'm not looking forward to is the packing. I can handle the drive, but packing makes me crazy. I'm just going to try not to focus on how much I dislike it and keep the end result in mind.

Other than that, things are pretty regular. My morning sickness is almost all the way gone, but has showed up the past couple of evenings for no reason at all. My belly is getting bigger which makes things like finding clothes to wear and exercising really interesting. I wish I didn't hate clothes shopping so badly, otherwise I'd totally be out there looking for some new shorts and shirts. These days I usually sport a loose shirt and my gray skirt or some ever-tightening shorts with the question mark belly band. I didn't do laundry for a week which meant the 3 outfits that still fit me were unavailable for today's outing, so I had to squeeze into an older pair of pants. It was not fun. Needless to say, I will be doing my best to keep on top of laundry.

Gus would be 4 tomorrow

2011-06-21T02:27:00.000-07:00

Being pregnant while remembering Gus' birthday is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I've been doing great so far, no impending doom hanging over my head. But it all just kind of hit me today. A new baby is coming and my Gus is getting farther and farther away from me. I know it's illogical, but I feel like the new baby will completely replace Gus. Gus was only ever a baby and if I get another one, what does that mean? I don't know but I know I'm going to be working through some things the next couple days.

Actually Easy Crock Pot Mexi-Chicken

2011-06-20T10:54:00.001-07:00

The picture is not much to look at, but I only thought of photographing this delicious dish after I'd eaten some. For Father's Day, I'd totally planned on steaks but forgot to actually go to the store to buy them. So, yesterday morning, I frantically searched for a frozen chicken-in-the-crock pot recipe that had ingredients that were already in my pantry/fridge. It took a while but I finally found this awesome recipe. I just had to tweak it a little to account for the ingredients I didn't have. So I'm going to give you the recipe I actually used as opposed to the one that was actually required. It turned out great and was actually easy, not The Food Network easy.

4-5 frozen boneless, skinless chicken breasts
1 can black beans
1 can Mexicorn
1/2 jar salsa
6-8 oz cream cheese

Put frozen chicken, drained black beans, drained mexicorn, and salsa in the crock pot.
Cook in the crock pot on low for 8 hours, or high for 4-5 hours. Until chicken is tender.
Add cream cheese (set on top) and let it sit 1/2 before serving.
I mixed it together before I served it.

All I know is you can't beat throwing frozen chicken, beans, corn and salsa in the crock pot before church. It's pretty much the recipe I've been searching for my entire life.

Try it. You'll love it.

P.S. For the actual recipe, you use a regular can of corn and full jar of salsa. That's it.

Sherman and Boomer

2011-06-17T09:27:00.000-07:00

We are watching my brother-in-law's Chihuahua, Sherman, and my aunt's dog, Boomer. It's the first time we've had two dogs together for a long period of time. They are hilarious and pretty much just wrestle all day.

So it's official. We are pet-sitters. If you or someone you know is going on vacation this summer and you need someone to watch your pet, we might be able to watch them for you. Email me and let me know.

Belly @ 12 Weeks

2011-06-14T19:07:00.000-07:00

Zip's just a little guy right now.

Emotions @ 12 Weeks

2011-06-11T08:54:00.000-07:00

I'm now 12 weeks pregnant, which means that the chance of miscarriage drops significantly. I'm grateful I've made it this far but honestly, I am scared to death of actually having this baby. A little part of me was thinking that miscarriage was the only way out, and now that door is pretty much closed.

Don't misunderstand: I'm thrilled to be having another baby. But after my most recent experience with a newborn, it seems only natural that I have some hesitations and worries, like any mom would. When baby Grant was here, I was holding him and suddenly had the panicky feeling in my chest and horrible thought, "What if he just stops breathing while he's here?" It took me a couple minutes to recover from that awful feeling. It feels like I already lost one baby under my watch, why shouldn't I lose another one?

I know this is totally irrational and my hormones are doing some absurd things to my body right now, but I feel like I need to be open to and explore all the negative feelings I might have to make sure I've covered all my bases and I know how I feel about everything I can before the baby gets here. It's certainly not a fool-proof plan, but it will work for me.

In other news, Gracie calls the baby Zip. As Jo Jo was Gracie's in-utero name, and Gus was Johnny, so shall No. 3 be Zip.

Jambo Means "Hello!" in Swahili

2011-06-10T18:58:00.000-07:00

I got a smokin deal from livingsocial.com for Jambo! an indoor amusement park in south Mesa. Gracie finished swimming lessons yesterday and then did some chores for me so she deserved a good fun day. It was total success and Gracie was more well-behaved than she's ever been at a social event where fun things are available. We have 2 more passes so we're starting a chore list that works up to another trip to Jambo! We're very excited.

Security

2011-06-09T21:08:00.000-07:00

In stake conference on Sunday, our stake president mentioned putting up a picture of the temple in our children's rooms. So tonight I went out in search of one of the Mesa Arizona Temple as the only one we have in our house is the Provo Utah Temple, where Robby and I were sealed, and that baby belongs where I can see it daily.

Anyway, amongst my perusing, I came across this picture of Christ. I almost cried. It's got to be the best depiction of His love for us that I've ever seen and I could feel that the moment I saw it. It's always been so hard for me to actually express my love for my church and what it is exactly that makes me a strong and dedicated member. Now I realize the answer is fairly simple: it's Christ. He has been there for me more times than I can count. The most prominent time was when Robby and I were flying to San Diego to see Gus after he died. I felt the Savior's presence and love for us the entire trip. It felt so much as if He was hanging His head as he sat next to us, saying, "This is so hard. I know exactly how this feels. I'm so sorry." I cannot tell you the comfort He brought me.

Somehow. this painting perfectly depicts how I felt Christ was at that particular moment in my life, and how He is in all the trials of our lives that seem impossible to overcome. He loves us so much and can't wait to hold us in His arms to tell us everything is going to be alright.

"Security"

One of the greatest human needs is a sense of security.

In all aspects of life, we naturally gravitate towards anything that

makes us feel safe. In this piece, I wanted to convey a sense of

complete peace and calm like only the Savior can provide.

It's a security that allows us to rest assured, without fear or worry,

when we put ourselves trustingly in His arms.

Little children have that inherent kind of trust in their parents,

so it's fitting that the man and girl who modeled for "Security"

are actually father and daughter.

They generated the exact feel I was looking for.

- David Bowman

Pregnancy Brain

2011-06-08T14:46:00.000-07:00

If you saw this question mark with a white background as

a description of the color of an item,

wouldn't you just assume the item was white

and they just didn't have a picture of

a model wearing said item?

I know I did.

When the mail arrived today,

Robby opened up the package

and found this little number:

Robby was immediately confused.

"Uhhh, is this supposed to have a question mark on it?"

I guess it makes sense now,

and I'm grateful to have a belly band,

but I looked at the belly band like

a hundred times before I bought it

and not once did it occur to me

there might actually me a question mark on it.

It Only Takes:

2011-06-07T14:47:00.000-07:00

Gracie and baby Grant

I am always looking for easier ways to do things. Unfortunately, most things that need doing are not easy. So in an effort to not overwhelm myself with all my constant responsibilities, I made a list of some things I know I have to do sometimes and how long it takes me to do them. That way I know what it will take to get a specific job done. Here's what I've figured out so far:

In Only Takes:

10-15 minutes to make chicken and rice

10-15 minutes to do the dishes

10-15 minutes to gather and load laundry

10-15 minutes more to fold and put away laundry

15 minutes to pick up a room

10 minutes to vacuum a clean room

15-20 minutes to set up a craft for Gracie

10-15 minutes to blow dry my hair (which I hate doing)

30 minutes to vacuum and mop the kitchen

This list has helped me so much, I thought I'd share it. When I see those numbers I think, "I can do anything for 10 or 15 minutes!" And the 30 minute things I can save for my more ambitious days, which always come if I don't push myself too hard every single day, but make sure I do push myself when I know I can handle it. Such is the life of living with depression. Some days are good and some days are bad. I just have to capitalize on the good days and remember the bad days won't last forever. Tomorrow is always a new day.

And here's a conversation I had with Gracie today:

Gracie: "Mom, you sure did a good job of getting juice yesterday! I looked in the freezer and just saw it!"

Me: "Do you want me to make you some juice?"

Gracie: "That would be splendid! Splendid means good."

She's a pistol with endless amounts of energy but she makes me smile every single day.

Looking for Piano Lessons?

2011-06-06T06:33:00.000-07:00

*Chocolate Chip cookies not included*

I'm going to start teaching piano lessons.

My little sister, Mary, inspired me.

Here is the tentative info:

- 30 minute lessons, once a week

- $10 per lesson, plus the cost of books
- Ages 7 and up (some exceptions available)

- At my home, unless it's more convenient for you at your home,

in which case it would be more per lesson

Email or call me for more info:

melmck2@gmail.com

As far as my experience:

My mom started teaching me the piano at age 5
and I've been playing ever since.

I've excelled in sight reading and accompaniment

but played mainly classical until I was 15.

I will teach piano basics, theory and technique.

Can you think of something else? Feel free to ask me.

Let your friends know!
I look forward to hearing from you!

Why I Love My Marriage

2011-06-03T21:23:00.001-07:00

We still say please and thank you to each other for small things around the house, even though they are essentially our regular responsibilities. We just appreciate the crap out of each other.
We are best friends. Have you met Robby? He's hilarious and as fun to live with as you might imagine.
We make being together our priority each day. Neither of us really has a hobby, so we say our hobby is each other. When Robby's not working and when I'm not doing the things a housewife does, we are almost always together.
We started out as friends. Albeit, we did not see eye to eye on many things, and we both still have our opinions, but living together and working toward a common goal of happiness has softened out the rough edges.
We both feel incredibly lucky to have each other. No one is above the other and no one belittles the other. We are equal with our own strengths to help each other.
We don't like drama. Never have. When we feel an argument heading towards the dramatic, we both recognize it and it never lasts long.
We have amazing chemistry. It was the top thing that drew me toward Robby. He's so easy to snuggle and is always completely aware of how I'm feeling.
We have a lot in common. We both like a lot of the same things, but we still have our battles about music, where we are totally opposite, and some movies. But we could watch stand up all night long.
Robby makes me want to be a better person. Ever since I met him, I've felt this way and have been trying to better myself for him. He's such a good man.
Robby is the hardest worker you will ever meet. I could give you plenty of referrals. All I know is I've never met anyone who works as hard as he does.
Robby is a great dad. He makes a point to spend time with Gracie every night, even if he's tired from work. It's obvious through his actions that his children mean a lot to him.
Neither of us leave the house without kissing each other. At least we try not to. It's important to us to separate on good terms and it's something we always try to stay aware of.

I could go on and on, but these are the main reasons I'm so happy and why I love my marriage so much. I'm so lucky and so grateful to have such a wonderful husband who supports me and sustains me and makes my life so amazing. I don't know what I would do without him.

Cute Visitors

2011-06-02T20:02:00.000-07:00

Couldn't you just pass out, he's so cute? That's my nephew, baby Grant. He and his momma, Jenna, are visiting us this week for a few days. They could not have come at a better time. The weather has been teetering wonderfully in the upper 90s making for glorious evenings. He's such a good baby. He makes me so excited to see what our little baby will be like. Although, I'm still grateful we have about 6 months to get our affairs in order. Until then, I'm gonna love on this little boy like crazy.

June Brings Swimming Lessons

2011-06-01T15:25:00.000-07:00

And extra patient swim teachers. Gracie has always been a lover of water but sticking her face in it has never been fun for her, no matter the coach. After day 2 of lessons, she's pretty much fearless. But no amount of coaxing or positioning will keep her from flailing her arms and legs like crazy when she's trying to swim. Her form is really the only thing we have to work on. And her listening skills, but I already knew that one.

Taco Soup For Dinner

2011-05-27T16:37:00.000-07:00

I'm a big huge fan of easy to put together meals. This one has been in the family for years and I finally decided I was old enough to purchase diced green chiles to keep in my pantry. This little beauty of a meal came together wonderfully and my tummy is gonna be happy for the next few days.

Thanks to Miranda for the recipe! Find it here. (However, I used beef instead of turkey.)

Wiggly One

2011-05-25T17:55:00.000-07:00

Just One Baby

2011-05-25T10:11:00.000-07:00

And measuring right on schedule.

He sure is an active little guy.

Laryngitis and My New OB

2011-05-24T16:05:00.000-07:00

Last week was awful for me. It was Gracie's last week of school and I really wanted to be all about it but that just wasn't in the cards. The week started with a head cold, turned into bronchitis, then transformed into laryngitis, which is what I'm dealing with now. I have no voice, which makes parenting extra hard.

In the good news department, I had my first OB appointment this morning. It was awesome. This doc was recommended to me by friends and he lived up to my expectations. I first went into an actual office with a desk where my history and care was discussed with me. I thought that kind of situation only existed in movies. It was a wonderful surprise. I was able to talk with him about my horrible previous experience and he was understanding and helpful and everything I could have asked for in an OB. Capable and a good listener.

I'm telling you, prayers have been answered.

Tomorrow morning I have an ultrasound because he said my uterus felt bigger than the 9w4d I'm at according to my last period. He said I felt more like 12 weeks. I'm trying not to think of the implications. I'll keep you posted.

Also, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention Robby and his outstanding care giving abilities. On Saturday, he actually said, "Don't do the dishes! Tale a nap!" It was magical, except that I felt so crappy. The good news is, I'm on the mend. I sound like a man over the phone, but I'm at least up and about, among the living again.

Happy Birthday to Robby!

2011-05-16T13:00:00.000-07:00

You make our lives not only easier,

but more fun than we could ever imagine.

We love you!

Tangled Pajamas

2011-05-15T10:19:00.000-07:00

From Gramma Pam and Grandpa Rick.

She's been wearing them non-stop for two days.

Her 2nd Preschool Graduation

2011-05-13T21:16:00.000-07:00

Gracie is totally ready for Kindergarten.

She has two preschool diplomas to prove it.

Gus' Story Now

2011-05-08T07:07:00.000-07:00

I've retold Gus' story from my point of view now

over on the Utah Baby Blog.

Hop on over.

Welcome, 100s

2011-05-05T16:15:00.001-07:00

Gracie loves to frolic in the sprinkler

so she could not be more excited about the approaching heat.

I'm accepting it willingly

since there is nothing to be done about it.

Morning sickness is keeping me down so much anyway

that I'm starting to welcome the precious moments

where I'm not lying in bed.

On The Fridge

2011-05-01T19:38:00.000-07:00

This is my hilarious niece, baby Evee.

My sister, Mary, sent me this pic in the mail

a few months ago and it was the best thing

that ever happened to our fridge.

Robby comes home from a rough day of work

and he just starts laughing as soon as he sees her.

Gracie puts it eye-level to her so she can

hold it and talk about what Baby Evee is doing

(hence the noticeable wear and tear).

In the middle of cleaning the kitchen,

I come across that big grin and

it makes my chores that much easier.

I just had to share her face

with the rest of the world.

Rosemary Chicken & Potatoes

2011-04-28T19:54:00.000-07:00

I will be 6 weeks tomorrow which leaves me with today as my last day without morning sickness. I had to take advantage as much as possible. I've also been watching, maybe too much, Rachel Ray and she inspired me to make something with chicken and rosemary. But let's face it, when she says something is super simple, she pretty much means "If you have an entire grocery store full of ingredients in your kitchen and the exact portioning of produce you'll need, it'll be super simple." So I found a cinchy, non-complex recipe from Cooks.com, decided I could do it, bought the ingredients and made it my own. Enjoy!

3 lbs (I used what I had left over, about 7 small) potatoes, peeled, cut into 1/2 inch pieces.
4-5 chicken thighs, bone-in with skin
1 tbsp dried rosemary
1/2 tsp garlic powder (or 4 cloves minced, if that's yer fancy)
salt
pepper
spray oil
Extra Virgin Olive Oil

Preheat oven to 475 degrees.

Spray 1st jelly roll pan with oil. Spread potatoes then spray them with oil again. Bake 15 min.

While that's baking, mix garlic, rosemary and a little EVOO all together. Put chicken skin up on 2nd jelly roll pan with aluminum down first. Spread about 1/2 tsp of mixture under the skin of the thighs. (If you want to do the top also, that's cool, but it is a little much. I'd pick either/or.) Season with salt & pepper.

Add remaining garlic & rosemary to potatoes. (Side bar: You can keep the EVOO out of the garlic and rosemary mix, but I just made a little extra bit dry to sprinkle on the potatoes.) Spray chicken with oil, if you didn't use EVOO. Bake potatoes another 15 min. Bake chicken 15-25 min.

I added corn as the vegetable and it was a success. Gracie even ate some of everything! But now I have 4 more chicken thighs with no recipe to lend them to. Any suggestions?

Backyard Camp Out

2011-04-27T13:09:00.000-07:00

Remember this camping trip?

Now that we have a backyard, we decided we were ready to try out a backyard camp out. It was inspired by great weather and a get-together with Robby's scouts around a campfire last night. Plus, Robby didn't have to work today so we thought we would take advantage.

Gracie was beyond excited. She packed her backpack full of her nightly accessories: her pink blanket and her giraffe. Despite our best efforts, the whole things turned into a bit of a disaster. It really is not comfortable to sleep on the ground and Gracie's inability to hold still while she's awake for any amount of time did not help things one bit.

It took about an hour of cajoling, snuggling and singing primary songs to finally get Gracie to sleep. Then Robby and I didn't so much sleep as lay awake and readjust positions for a few hours. By 1am, Gracie was freezing and Robby and I both had to use the facilities so we decided to head on in to our own beds.

I'd say we gave it the old college try and now we know almost exactly what it will be like if we ever do all go camping together. And since Gracie loved it, I think we will keep the tent up for a few more days for her sake.

Our Easter Picture

2011-04-26T10:08:00.000-07:00

I love my family.

Another Bed

2011-04-20T14:19:00.000-07:00

During a visit to my good friend Robin's house last night (from whom we may or may not be getting a new kitten next month), we noticed a lovely little piece of furniture in her front room that looked like it was on it's way out. It happened to be a bed they didn't need and since Robby's been wanting a new bed for Gracie for a while, I jumped right on Robin's offer to take it.

We love it! It even fits the trundle bed from the previous day bed underneath so we can still accommodate cousins when they come to visit. This is just the first of many steps we have planned for the house prior to the new baby's arrival. Other things on the list include turning the guest room into the baby's room and moving the guest room downstairs to the piano room (hopefully with a Murphy Bed). Luckily we have tons of time to get this all done. But it's nice to have Gracie's room already checked off the list.

Playing Pretend

2011-04-19T15:47:00.000-07:00

"I wanna pretend the cat's my sister."

So that's what these two are doing today.

Easter Dress from Grampa

2011-04-18T12:45:00.000-07:00

For some reason, she insisted on wearing

a totally clashing red bow in her hair.

To quote her: "Oh, but that's ok. I just love it."

She's so big I can hardly believe it.

Meanwhile, I'm doing great.

I'm in those precarious weeks

between 4 and 6 where I'm exhausted

all the time, but no morning sickness yet.

I'm still going to the gym,

on a lower impact level,

in hopes of reducing my risk

of pre and post partum depression.

That's one of my main areas of focus

for this pregnancy:

my overall mental and physical health.

Here's to staying out of the hospital

and keeping my kids with me.

That's Mine

2011-04-15T06:41:00.000-07:00

Baby No. 3 is expected to arrive

around December 23rd.

And we are happy.

My Fancy Dress

2011-04-12T17:55:00.000-07:00

I was extremely fortunate to win a giveaway

over on my good friend Reachel's fashion blog.

This is the Sunday Best dress from Downeast,

helpfully complimenting my awkward figure

with an empire waist, as per Reachel's guidance.

Get over to her blog,

pick your body type on the side bar,

and start dressing accordingly.

My confidence has increased

threefold thanks to Cardigan Empire.

He Refinishes Furniture

2011-04-08T09:52:00.000-07:00

Remember our kitchen table?

Robby finally refinished it

and did it beautifully.

He's practically a professional,

if the professionals are super handsome.

Sunday Conference

2011-04-03T18:05:00.000-07:00

It's the first year that we actually made Gracie sit through an entire conference session and it was made possible by the conference packets from sugardoodle.com. She did surprisingly well. When she finished her designated activity, there was still an hour left. So I stole the trick from Robin to have her listen for the word "faith" and every time she heard it she got a treat. It was great.

Do you like our new rug? It was given to us by my sweet mother-in-law. We thought we'd try it out for a while.

Brushin Mama's Hair

2011-04-01T09:28:00.000-07:00

Where We Are Today

2011-03-29T10:32:00.000-07:00

In bed with spontaneous vomiting.

Poor kid feels miserable.

What do you do for your child in this state?

6 Things Daily

2011-03-28T17:52:00.000-07:00

getty images

In an effort to make my life better, I've recently started exercising an hour a day, 5-6 times a week. It's been exhausting but ultimately a great outlet for my anxiety. As this is only one aspect of my life, I've also been actively searching for a way for me to be able to keep tabs on the other areas of my life that need daily attending to. At a gospel discussion group last week, a sister from my ward mentioned a list that her mother tried to live by during certain times in her life. I thought it was a perfect daily list for me.

1. Do something for someone else.

2. Do something for myself.

3. Do something I don't want to do that needs doing.

4. Do a physical exercise.

5. Do a mental exercise.

6. Do an original prayer that always includes counting my blessings.

A while back, I started doing one thing every day that I did not want to do. I thought the remainder of this list was a great way to round things out. My therapist told me there were five basic areas that I needed to focus on in my life to keep a good balance: social, emotional, mental, physical and spiritual. This list addresses all these things so I really could not be more excited about putting these 6 ideas into practice.

What daily techniques do you use to keep your life balanced? I'd love some more tips.

Family Fun Day

2011-03-27T20:02:00.000-07:00

A coupon initiated a wonderful day of fun

on one of Robby's rare Saturdays off.

It was such a beautiful spring day,

and since we don't get too many of those here,

we had to take advantage.

Winter is wonderful here,

but springtime usually marks

the beginning of sweating during normal

household activities.

So we are going to try to make

the most of what we've got left.

For Me

2011-03-25T18:45:00.000-07:00

I just love this boy.

I was so lucky to have him.

Wacky Wednesday

2011-03-23T10:26:00.001-07:00

Gracie is well into her first week at her new school.

Today is Wacky Wednesday

and she could not be more excited about it.

My Identity as a Mother

2011-03-19T15:42:00.000-07:00

June 26, 2007

It's been almost impossible for me to find my identity as a mother. It seems like the world always encouraged me to be more than "just a mother" and while I'd love to be a working mom, I just don't have the mental or emotional capacity one needs to work that specific field successfully. So, in a way, I feel like I'm a failure for only amounting to making babies and watching them grow up.

I hate that the world has made me feel this way. My church encourages my lifestyle and tries to buoy me up to feel as confident as possible in my area of work. It just doesn't seem to matter how many children are brought into my family, or taken out of it, I just don't feel like a mother in the general sense of the word. Honestly, the only times I've actually thought "This is what a mother is supposed to feel" are when I'm laying in bed with Gracie as she falls asleep at night and when I held each of my newborn babies close to my heart right after they were born.

The absolute misery of having a baby ripped from my arms has made me quite hesitant. It's made me question my abilities as a mother and my overall character. I know all the right answers to my questions ("Why was Gus taken?" "Because he was perfect and all he needed was a body." "Was I a bad mother to him?" "No.") but it doesn't automatically give me the peace I know it should. However, I think this is the challenge of this life. We learn the things that are true to help us through this life, and we work with our own spirit to overcome the natural man as we aspire to be like Christ. It's makes total sense that my body has not caught up with my brain. But how grateful I am for the opportunity I have to choose the right and become perfect so that I may see my son again someday.

The last Gus anniversary did me a world of good. I feel like I was given a great amount of peace about the whole issue, though it's still an ongoing battle. But the things I've learned from losing Gus can only make me a better and stronger person for Gracie and any other children we might have.

I've finally become brave enough for us to start trying for another baby. It's going to be a process, but it's the right decision for our family right now. I'm going into the whole thing with nothing but good thoughts, realistic expectations, and a whole new plethora of knowledge. I plan to be healthier and work to control my emotions more than I've ever tried before. Who knows if that will make a difference but I feel good and like I'm at least starting off on the right foot.

I'll chronicle my journey as best I can because I think this will be a great thing for me to look at in the future. I expect a battle, but I also expect great rewards out of all the hard work I plan to put in. I think the hard work is the answer to me really feeling the power and responsibility that's been given to me as a mother.